Some perspective from an older mom: I started writing seriously back in 2003, when my kids were aged 5, 3, and in the womb. Through two more pregnancies and a growing family I kept writing, mostly articles, essays and blog posts, but always longed to do more. As the cultural motherhood books of the day kept coming out and landing on the bestseller lists, I wanted so much to be a Big Writer with a Big Book, but life kept getting in the way and it kept not happening. Instead I kept writing articles and blog posts - mostly for publication and pay, since that's how I was able to be home with my kids - and authored a handful of "smaller" books, titles that were never going to make a big splash but that felt manageable with a houseful of kids. The last one came out in 2011, when my kids were 13, 11, 7, 5, and two, and getting it out the door took everything I had. A few years later I launched The Mom Hour podcast and writing took a backseat as found another way of expressing what I had to say about motherhood. Ten years after THAT, I'm finally working on another book about motherhood, this time about saying goodbye to it (at least the active, in-the-trenches part of it.)
Since I've been a mom (26 years now) those "big" motherhood books have popped up every year or so, detailing the insupportable nature of modern motherhood and what can be done about it. I had a lot of thoughts about each of these books (I often found the authors unrelatable and the proposed solutions incomplete) but my life was never quite set up in a way that I could get all those thoughts down on paper into my own cultural motherhood book. As it turned out, I was too busy living my own version of modern motherhood than to write a Big Book critiquing it.
While the book I'm working on now isn't a cultural motherhood critique per se, I am taking the opportunity in its pages to detail what I think is happening to young moms now and what I think my generation of mothers can do to help lighten your load. It's true that I've lost some of the immediate edge I might have had ten or fifteen years ago when I was in the thick of mothering a young family myself, and I just have to accept that. I could look at that reality as a loss or a missed opportunity, but I also see it as a strength - I am able to see things more clearly now because I'm on other side, and can be useful in a new way now.
I could look back now and regret that I never wrote that Big Motherhood Book while still in the thick of active mothering, but the truth is I was still reaching moms and I was still doing important work, just in a different way. And so are you! If you find the energy and time to write the book you want to write in this season of life, that's amazing and I'm sure you will do a fantastic job with it. But if you don't, please don't feel like you aren't making an impact now.
(Also, take it from someone who's been walking this road a bit longer: you have more time than you think, and the cultural motherhood conversation isn't going anywhere.)
Hi! Thank you so much for taking the time to share all this with me/us! Lots of food for thought here; I’ll be chewing on it (and checking out your work!)
Thanks - I have enjoyed following you here and really love that the Substack ecosystem seems to welcome long, wordy comments - the kind I used to write before social media :)
Lol at me starting this by staying “it’s Sunday here” as if it isn’t also Sunday in half the world😅 I think I meant to say “it’s Sunday *afternoon* here.” Deep breaths. This is what I mean. Creating coherently with small children around is v hard for me!
Yes you absolutely should birth your book! I would love to read it. But also, everything you talk about here is so relatable. I am not trying to write a book but I am struggling to find time and energy to finish my Substack drafts and one longer piece I wanted to submit for publication, and I always feel like everyone else somehow manages to get more done than me and that therefore I must just be…incompetent or something. Which is ridiculous and I KNOW it is ridiculous but the thought still trips me up at least once a week.
You’re definitely not. It’s hard with little littles (and if I remember right yours are pretty young.) Thank you for the kind words, and you spoke to one thing I’m worried about—losing community and connection! Like I don’t want to hole up in my corner to write, really, in a season where I’m already alone so much! A big part of me wants to keep just creating and sharing the way I have been—on here and on IG—because it fits my life to write in small bits and also gives me connection to other amazing women!
I feel like this is a real tension, esp for newer writers without a huge, long-term, established readership. (🙋♀️) Part of the joy of writing is connecting with others, but it’s hard to keep that up and take on a huge project that requires disconnection and focus! Also part of the publishing end of writing is the practical need to prove that you have a connected audience that will buy the book you write while disconnected from them. Ugh!
Yeah mine are 2 and 6 months, so pretty small. Constant change is the only constant haha! I think you’ll know what’s right for you…ofc we don’t want to lose you from Substack but I’m rooting for you and your book!
Yeah that is a lot. I feel a lot more freedom now that my youngest is three! But now I’m homeschooling so 🤪😂
I don’t think I’d leave Substack! I would probably leave IG if anywhere. I don’t know. I’m going to a silent retreat in a few weeks and am hoping I come away with some clarity
I can’t wait to read your book, whenever it comes out! Praying for you as you discern the timing, etc. It’s no easy task to homeschool+do anything else, especially when you still have a little one. God’s will be done!
Some perspective from an older mom: I started writing seriously back in 2003, when my kids were aged 5, 3, and in the womb. Through two more pregnancies and a growing family I kept writing, mostly articles, essays and blog posts, but always longed to do more. As the cultural motherhood books of the day kept coming out and landing on the bestseller lists, I wanted so much to be a Big Writer with a Big Book, but life kept getting in the way and it kept not happening. Instead I kept writing articles and blog posts - mostly for publication and pay, since that's how I was able to be home with my kids - and authored a handful of "smaller" books, titles that were never going to make a big splash but that felt manageable with a houseful of kids. The last one came out in 2011, when my kids were 13, 11, 7, 5, and two, and getting it out the door took everything I had. A few years later I launched The Mom Hour podcast and writing took a backseat as found another way of expressing what I had to say about motherhood. Ten years after THAT, I'm finally working on another book about motherhood, this time about saying goodbye to it (at least the active, in-the-trenches part of it.)
Since I've been a mom (26 years now) those "big" motherhood books have popped up every year or so, detailing the insupportable nature of modern motherhood and what can be done about it. I had a lot of thoughts about each of these books (I often found the authors unrelatable and the proposed solutions incomplete) but my life was never quite set up in a way that I could get all those thoughts down on paper into my own cultural motherhood book. As it turned out, I was too busy living my own version of modern motherhood than to write a Big Book critiquing it.
While the book I'm working on now isn't a cultural motherhood critique per se, I am taking the opportunity in its pages to detail what I think is happening to young moms now and what I think my generation of mothers can do to help lighten your load. It's true that I've lost some of the immediate edge I might have had ten or fifteen years ago when I was in the thick of mothering a young family myself, and I just have to accept that. I could look at that reality as a loss or a missed opportunity, but I also see it as a strength - I am able to see things more clearly now because I'm on other side, and can be useful in a new way now.
I could look back now and regret that I never wrote that Big Motherhood Book while still in the thick of active mothering, but the truth is I was still reaching moms and I was still doing important work, just in a different way. And so are you! If you find the energy and time to write the book you want to write in this season of life, that's amazing and I'm sure you will do a fantastic job with it. But if you don't, please don't feel like you aren't making an impact now.
(Also, take it from someone who's been walking this road a bit longer: you have more time than you think, and the cultural motherhood conversation isn't going anywhere.)
Hi! Thank you so much for taking the time to share all this with me/us! Lots of food for thought here; I’ll be chewing on it (and checking out your work!)
Thanks - I have enjoyed following you here and really love that the Substack ecosystem seems to welcome long, wordy comments - the kind I used to write before social media :)
Lol at me starting this by staying “it’s Sunday here” as if it isn’t also Sunday in half the world😅 I think I meant to say “it’s Sunday *afternoon* here.” Deep breaths. This is what I mean. Creating coherently with small children around is v hard for me!
Like older people who leave voicemails and state the time at the beginning. hahaha I love it. Also, listening now. :)
🤣Yes. That is me.
Yes you absolutely should birth your book! I would love to read it. But also, everything you talk about here is so relatable. I am not trying to write a book but I am struggling to find time and energy to finish my Substack drafts and one longer piece I wanted to submit for publication, and I always feel like everyone else somehow manages to get more done than me and that therefore I must just be…incompetent or something. Which is ridiculous and I KNOW it is ridiculous but the thought still trips me up at least once a week.
You’re definitely not. It’s hard with little littles (and if I remember right yours are pretty young.) Thank you for the kind words, and you spoke to one thing I’m worried about—losing community and connection! Like I don’t want to hole up in my corner to write, really, in a season where I’m already alone so much! A big part of me wants to keep just creating and sharing the way I have been—on here and on IG—because it fits my life to write in small bits and also gives me connection to other amazing women!
I feel like this is a real tension, esp for newer writers without a huge, long-term, established readership. (🙋♀️) Part of the joy of writing is connecting with others, but it’s hard to keep that up and take on a huge project that requires disconnection and focus! Also part of the publishing end of writing is the practical need to prove that you have a connected audience that will buy the book you write while disconnected from them. Ugh!
Yes exactly!
Yeah mine are 2 and 6 months, so pretty small. Constant change is the only constant haha! I think you’ll know what’s right for you…ofc we don’t want to lose you from Substack but I’m rooting for you and your book!
Yeah that is a lot. I feel a lot more freedom now that my youngest is three! But now I’m homeschooling so 🤪😂
I don’t think I’d leave Substack! I would probably leave IG if anywhere. I don’t know. I’m going to a silent retreat in a few weeks and am hoping I come away with some clarity
Birth the book! Birth the book! Birth the book! 📣📣📣 (all I have to say about this)
😄😄thank you friend
I can’t wait to read your book, whenever it comes out! Praying for you as you discern the timing, etc. It’s no easy task to homeschool+do anything else, especially when you still have a little one. God’s will be done!
Thank you Christina. Indeed. Thank you for your prayers.