Who else is tired of feeling overwhelmed?
(I ask as I wave my hand vigorously.)
The barrage of content the Internet brings is a whole thing, isn’t it? And I think it’s especially a thing for those of us who are open and thinking and growing. I think there’s a particular temptation for us seeker/learner types, to keep taking in more and more and more. Because it’s interesting. Because we value learning. Because we want to evolve.
For a while, my email newsletter (on my old blog) was in the style so many people have, sharing links to interesting things they’ve read or listen to or watched. These days, it feels exhausting to me to read lists like that (though I do usually take in at least one thing in
’s) and it feels impossible to write them. I don’t have the energy, or honestly the desire.I don’t want to feel overwhelmed, and I don’t want to contribute to a feeling of overwhelm for others, either.
Increasingly, I just wanna live my life. I’ve gathered enough information and ideas; I just want to be with my own thoughts and my own creative efforts. I also want to be present in my local community and my family, not consuming endless content on the tiny computer in my hands, no matter how good it is. I know there are tons of great articles and YouTube videos and podcast episodes and films and TED talks out there, and I very much enjoy taking in well-done, thought-provoking content. But it’s all just too much.
So with that, I’m launching what I hope will become a regular post. I won’t be linking to anything—except maybe in footnotes, if you have the desire to go deeper—I’ll just be telling you a few simple ideas or thoughts or experiences I’ve had recently that you can quickly read and ponder. I’m calling it Small Stirrings: things that have stirred something up in me—whether action or emotion or inspiration—and made me want to share with someone else.
Inspiration without the overwhelm
Here we go:
With “sick season” around the corner, I’ve been putting energy toward thinking about ways to keep our family healthy. We were sick so much last fall and winter, and this year I’m hoping it’s different. We found some mold under our dishwasher and remedied that, and it’s interesting to think if that may have impacted our ability to fight off illness (Have you gone down the mold rabbit hole? I haven’t really, but I know it exists. My husband is the expert here and I usually plug my ears—LALALAAA—when he tries to tell me about it). I’m also focused on nourishing food (even though our girls basically still refuse to eat soup), using herbs and homeopathy to support our bodies, and trying to remember to get outside, even when it’s cold, or at least crack some windows. In general, I take a lot of pride in being the first line of defense for my family’s health. I’ve put a lot of work into this area, and it’s been really empowering to learn ways I can do it without needing to run to the healthcare system for a prescription or reassurance that everything is fine.1
Our secondborn, a very interesting and unique child, was struggling for a while with meltdowns after school. I was really concerned (Does she have no friends? Is she totally overwhelmed?) and went to observe her, where I found out that she’s doing great socially and otherwise but isn’t eating much during the day. I’ve been prioritizing a heavy snack (protein/fat) after school, and it seems to have mostly solved it. It makes me wonder how much we overcomplicate things, and how if we prioritized basic needs some issues would maybe just cease to exist.
“Don’t stop until you’re proud.” This was the message on the inside of a Dove chocolate I was eating with one of my students last week. I love it. I wrote it on my classroom whiteboard. I love the idea of everyone having agency over their own efforts, as opposed to being motivated by the expectations or pressure of others.2
Halloween candy hack! This is a little late, but there’s always next year! The hack is this: go trick-or-treating early and then come back home and give away most of that candy to the later trick-or-treaters. Genius! (We give the kids some healthier candy and also let them eat a few things from what they got.) I organically came up with this one year and now it’s our routine. Those big bags are expensive, and no one needs all that candy! (Especially as winter is approaching; sugar weakens the immune system.)
“Come Holy Spirit, and renew the face of the Earth.” We say this three times at the end of Mass in our parish and I just love it so much. It feels so beautiful and loving and hopeful—and so relieving, a reminder that it’s not us solely in charge of making things better on this planet.
Speaking of Mass, I started crying a few weeks ago when we sang the song “In Christ Alone.” Except for one part that reminds me of my days in the Calvinist space and doesn’t resonate (never did and still doesn’t; whole thing, #IYKYK), the lyrics3 are so simple and beautiful in their summarizing of the faith. Alice, our seven year old, totally saw me having all the feelings, and as she tried to comfort me I told her, “It’s okay honey. I just love this song.” If I can raise girls who aren’t embarrassed by and don’t apologize for emotion, I’ll be thrilled. (Also, a piano version of this song is playing in the coffeeshop where I’m writing these words. Love moments of synchronicity like this.)
Dopamine: it’s such a THING. It’s a big reason why we’re pulled to our phones. I’ve been trying to be really aware of how often my brain is seeking it. As I’ve become more mindful of this, I can exercise self-control (a fruit of the Spirit, after all). I can realize “ope, I feel myself wanting a hit” and I can choose to instead just be in the moment and do what I need to do, no matter how bored or tired or annoyed I am of what is required of me.4
Keep it where you’d look for it first, and take it there now. Do any of you know the work of Dana K. White5? She’s my go-to for becoming a better keeper of the home, something that does not come that easily for me. These are two of her big principles: Store a thing where you’d think to look for it, and when you see something that’s out of its place, just take it to its home, now. Don’t overthink, don’t make piles, don’t get overwhelmed, don’t think it needs to be all or nothing. I’ve been working on home management for about 8 years, and it’s still a work-in-progress. I put on her podcast frequently when I’m cleaning or organizing.
The power of prayer—but like, really. I used to think people saying “I’ll pray for you” was cringe-y. (I still kind of do, especially when it feels like Christian jargon as opposed to something that will actually happen, or if there’s at all an energy of “I’m better than you.”) But after the silent retreat I went on in August, I’m thinking of prayer6 in a whole new way, and I’ve started to pray for people myself for really the first time. I kind of can’t believe what I’ve been missing out on. It’s such a beautiful thing to hold sacred, private space for someone about something in their life. More on this to come, but I guess I wanted to share how much it has lifted me so much to lift up others.
“You’re doing a great job.”7 Sometimes on Friday mornings, I take Rosie to the coffee shop to have breakfast. It’s always a little risky to take a two-year-old to a restaurant of any kind, but as my friend
recently wrote, having our kids with us as we go about our lives is a (countercultural) statement that children are people and are therefore allowed to exist in public spaces. As I sat in the comfy chair, eating my açai bowl and sharing it with Rosie, I struck up a conversation with an older gentleman sitting on the couch across from us. One of the things he told me was that he seen me with my kids before, and that I’m doing a great job. In a culture where care work is totally devalued and absolutely taken for granted, it feels good to have someone see it. Maybe especially an older man, someone who is likely less familiar with care work given generational tendencies. I also think there’s something deep inside honest people that can see someone caretaking a small human and recognize there’s something very important and sacred about it. After all, we were all—everyone of us—children once.
It feels related to say that I’m taking an Instagram break for the rest of 2023. I’m just so tired of the fire hose of opinions and information and takes on every imaginable topic. I’m also hoping to get a bunch of posts out of my drafts folder and published here!
Would love to hear something you connected to or something that stirred something in you recently. Happy November!
P.S. I’m tearfully grateful for every paid subscriber (a few new ones recently despite the fact that I haven’t been publishing much; THANK YOU), and for this holiday season I’d like to give away a few paid subscriptions. If you’re into the things I have to say here, hit reply to this email (or leave a comment if you’re reading on the app) and let me know what you appreciate about my work. I’ll enter you into a drawing to win one, so you can have full access to what I’m producing here!
I’m definitely what would be considered a “crunchy mom,” but I have a post forthcoming on crunchy mom culture. It’s out of control. Yes, we should try to be healthy, but stressing out about doing EVERY SINGLE THING PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET TELL YOU THEY DO is not.
Very growth mindset.
YouTube lyric video here, if you don’t know it. Listen all the way through!
Has anyone read Dopamine Nation? I’ve heard good things.
Her marketing materials are kind of cheesy IMO, but she is absolutely amazing. Funny, super smart, and just such great advice for a certain type of person who isn’t naturally inclined toward organization. Check out her podcast/website here, if you want.
A writer I like here on Substack,
, wrote an interesting post about this recently. She’s a new Christian and is asking great and honest questions about all the things. My kinda gal.This is different, to me, than “you’re doing the most important job in the world,” which I generally find annoying, as well as “you’re a good mom,” a statement I see everywhere from everyone, mostly from people who have never seen said mothers mothering. Post on this topic forthcoming. Many posts forthcoming, lol.
I think I'm a "scrunchy" mom, like we grow our own food and remedies but also grab a Happy Meal every once in awhile? 😆 The algorithms can be so unforgiving that once you begin researching and following crunchy culture, you're bombarded with all kinds of foods, supplements, remedies, self care products, practices, etc. and feel like you have to do it ALL or else you're absolutely poisoning your family. Woofta! I've had to take a step back.
I've always felt awkward saying "I'll pray for you." I hear you. And I think maybe it's hard to tell when people are genuine or if it's just the appropriate response? We've started sharing prayer intentions among my different circles, and sometimes it almost feels like a cover for gossip. Such as "we need to pray for so&so, her cancer is back" or "this person was in a bad accident" etc. I've struggled with this and when or not it's appropriate to share. One thing I've tried to start doing is ask for prayers for myself and my family rather than redirecting my intentions to other people. I think some people just probably aren't comfortable asking for prayers for themselves and that's why they defer to asking for prayers for those around them, so I want to show them it's OK to ask for what you need. It's a fine line I'm still trying to figure out.
Ughh. The fear mongering of the crunch world is REAL. And I would say that I’m pretty dang crunchy. But I’ve had to move away from my anxiety running decisions about that stuff. I try to learn and take things in as I can, but not obsess. It’s a hard line to walk.