YES. I haven't been very good with boundaries in my own life and asking them to wait, yes wait, wait again...while I finish something has been really helpful FOR ME to learn this and keep an eye on rising resentment. I also try to respect them when I ask them to do something by letting them finish whatever they are doing (within a reasonable time frame).
Yes, not expecting them to come or respond immediately is so important! Mutual respect. And I love that phrase "rising resentment." So important to be mindful of resentment as it can creep in so easily!
YES. This is huge and something I’ve been learning since becoming a mom of a toddler (4ish years ago). My mom was similarly boundary-less when it came to doing what we wanted when I was a kid (especially at the dinner table—I don’t remember here sitting still for more than 5 min), and I don’t want to do the same. It’s good for me, and good for them as you said. I’m also attentive to really following through with what I say—if I tell them I’ll get to it in 5 minutes, I really try to do that. I find they they’re much more cooperative when I ask them to do something (esp my 6 year old) when they’ve seen me follow through on my promises to them.
Oh man, boundary-less is a great way to describe it. My mom was the same at the table: always up getting things for others. And yes to following through on what you tell them... that's so huge in general! Or at a minimum, acknowledging when you don't (I messed up, I changed my mind, ___ happened so I had to ___, etc.)
Oh yeah, I've learned to do this as well - and they respond better when it's specific, as you mention here. With three kids in a three year time span, they absolutely need to learn to wait (for mom is not infinitely available and also a person), even if for very short periods!
In the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Level I Atrium (for ages 3-6) there is no sharing, any child who chooses a material (that they have seen presented before and know how to work with) may work with that material for as long as they choose, even if that's for half an hour or to the end of the session. As the catechist I get to say often, "Someone is working with that now. You may choose something else or you may wait. It's good to wait."
Adults who stop in to observe in the Atrium are amazed to see three year olds waiting patiently.
So exciting! CGS has changed my life and brought me to deep healing in Christ from my own wounds. I wish I had it when I was a child! I'll listen to God with children in the atrium until I die. When I first read The Religious Potential of the Child, I didn't believe it. Children in *my* parish wouldn't respond like that. Then they did. Oh me of little faith!
I think I tend to my daughters quickly for the opposite reason, with my mother often just telling us “not now”. We knew not to bother her, so I guess I really want for my kids to feel they can.
The bit about modeling boundaries is key though, wild to think that my girls will likely be mothers themselves one day!
Yep, I do this too, and for similar reasons. I haven’t read the resources you cited but I use the same language. It’s hard to wait, we are learning patience 😆
Thank you for putting words to this! Now that my oldest is 5, I’m also working on helping him notice whether or not I’m available. Dad has been known to follow me into the bathroom if he wants my attention… I feel I have seen the future and I’m not here for that 😅
YES. I haven't been very good with boundaries in my own life and asking them to wait, yes wait, wait again...while I finish something has been really helpful FOR ME to learn this and keep an eye on rising resentment. I also try to respect them when I ask them to do something by letting them finish whatever they are doing (within a reasonable time frame).
Yes, not expecting them to come or respond immediately is so important! Mutual respect. And I love that phrase "rising resentment." So important to be mindful of resentment as it can creep in so easily!
YES. This is huge and something I’ve been learning since becoming a mom of a toddler (4ish years ago). My mom was similarly boundary-less when it came to doing what we wanted when I was a kid (especially at the dinner table—I don’t remember here sitting still for more than 5 min), and I don’t want to do the same. It’s good for me, and good for them as you said. I’m also attentive to really following through with what I say—if I tell them I’ll get to it in 5 minutes, I really try to do that. I find they they’re much more cooperative when I ask them to do something (esp my 6 year old) when they’ve seen me follow through on my promises to them.
Oh man, boundary-less is a great way to describe it. My mom was the same at the table: always up getting things for others. And yes to following through on what you tell them... that's so huge in general! Or at a minimum, acknowledging when you don't (I messed up, I changed my mind, ___ happened so I had to ___, etc.)
Oh yeah, I've learned to do this as well - and they respond better when it's specific, as you mention here. With three kids in a three year time span, they absolutely need to learn to wait (for mom is not infinitely available and also a person), even if for very short periods!
"Mom is not infinitely available and also a person" - ha yes! "Mom is a person" = another t-shirt idea
I would buy these t shirts 😅
Fellow impatient mama here! I’ve started doing this with my two year old recently, I tell her we are practising being patient 😅
Always good to know I'm not alone! Practicing being patient, yes, love it. Good to hear from you Becca! I need to read your newest piece still!
In the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Level I Atrium (for ages 3-6) there is no sharing, any child who chooses a material (that they have seen presented before and know how to work with) may work with that material for as long as they choose, even if that's for half an hour or to the end of the session. As the catechist I get to say often, "Someone is working with that now. You may choose something else or you may wait. It's good to wait."
Adults who stop in to observe in the Atrium are amazed to see three year olds waiting patiently.
Looooove this. We’re getting Catechesis of the Good Shepherd going in our parish this fall and I’m so excited about it🙌🏼
So exciting! CGS has changed my life and brought me to deep healing in Christ from my own wounds. I wish I had it when I was a child! I'll listen to God with children in the atrium until I die. When I first read The Religious Potential of the Child, I didn't believe it. Children in *my* parish wouldn't respond like that. Then they did. Oh me of little faith!
I think I tend to my daughters quickly for the opposite reason, with my mother often just telling us “not now”. We knew not to bother her, so I guess I really want for my kids to feel they can.
The bit about modeling boundaries is key though, wild to think that my girls will likely be mothers themselves one day!
Yep, I do this too, and for similar reasons. I haven’t read the resources you cited but I use the same language. It’s hard to wait, we are learning patience 😆
Thank you for putting words to this! Now that my oldest is 5, I’m also working on helping him notice whether or not I’m available. Dad has been known to follow me into the bathroom if he wants my attention… I feel I have seen the future and I’m not here for that 😅
This is also good for the kids.
Giving children what they want immediately used to be called "spoiling them".
Yes I mentioned that. Sure, but people of generations past were also harsh with kids and I would argue not respectful of their humanity
> I would argue not respectful of their humanity
And you would be wrong.