Last week I decided I was going to bake my neighbor a loaf of sour dough. We stand with her at the bus stop often as her grandson catches the bus and she watches him. When I got the bread out of the oven I walked it over to her house, knocked on the door and found myself feeling embarrassed for just showing up announced. I said things like “I’m not trying to impose on your time I just wanted to give you this blah blah blah” because the millennial in me didn’t want her to feel like she had to “stop what she was doing.” She invited me right in. Started conversation with me, thanked me for the bread, offered to show me around her house. She really didn’t make me feel like I was imposing at all. They later donated an old play house to us and yeah, all in all, couldn’t agree more with this perspective. We really are missing something here. Everyone wants to say they would love to “live in a community where neighbors help each other” but no one wants to even open the door for each other.
Ah, love it - thanks for sharing this story with us! Beautiful. And your last line is spot on. We say we want the village but life has to look a lot different to make that a reality! We have to be willing to let people into our mess, literally and figuratively.
I have 100% been your neighbor hiding in fear when the doorbell rings :) I dread pop ins, ha. But I also love our rural lane where we have very friendly, kind neighbors and lots of open land that we all essentially share when it comes to places for the kids to hike, ride, take their sleds. There's just a big respect for 'space' which I am in favor of. Though I recognize this is a bit of a 'me' problem. I avoid small talk like the plague, ha. Now if people were showing up with coffee in hand for some deep conversation, I might be persuaded!
I hate small talk too… It’s all about who is showing up, I guess, and what your dynamic is. My neighbor and I get together spontaneously and we immediately go deep!
Man your area sounds amazing! Happy for you that you have that sort of set-up🙌🏼
As I say, I recognize it's more my issue than anything - I do think you're right the world would likely be much better with more casual pop ins and neighborly visits!
Hi Amber, I too hope that my new neighborhood of 4 years now can become more and more like the one you describe where we interact easily with each other and truly care about them. I feel like we have pretty good vibes on our street and want to do our part to keep them going. Love one person at a time and see what happens!
Yes!! For us in a small Missouri town this does happen! And I love it. We’ll be outside or my husband working in the garage and people see us and stop.
Yes, 100%!!! My husband and I spent a few years on both coasts, and being back home in the Midwest after those experiences has really opened my eyes to the Midwest nice!
Whenever you get to St. Louis, please feel free to reach out if you'd like a friendly doorbell to ring 🥰
Oh man, having company was the best when I was a kid. I loved it. I grew up in rural Kentucky and it was so common. Now I live in a middle class suburb, and strangely enough, I see people stopping by other houses! The neighbor kiddos often stop to talk to us, too. However, when we were in an apartment, we never saw our neighbors and I didn’t know their names.
Wow, that's awesome! I hope it's random and unplanned! I feel like neighbors should be the first place this starts to get re-normalized. Our neighborhood is getting better, but we definitely feel like the trailblazers/weirdos who want to chat when we're both outside or in our yards, versus everyone just staying on their own property and not looking at each other and pretending we don't live our lives 30 feet away from one another lol
We definitely live in a chat with your neighbors community. Some more than others, but it’s a thing. I also don’t get the social media trend of “waiting in my car/house until the neighbors go inside” thing. Like no wonder y’all are lonely.
Last summer we moved from an exurban town to a cul-de-sac in a denser suburb (1/4 acre lots). I've been surprised and thrilled that about half of the 11 households on our street are outgoing!
During the pandemic they apparently started meeting up outdoors in chairs every Friday afternoon at the end of the street. We didn't spend our pandemic here, but they've kept the meetings going (just during nice weather nowadays), and we enjoy joining them. All it takes is a few friendly households and a standing invitation to make the whole street feel nice, even though there's still two or three families I haven't met yet.
There is a neighborhood group text that's easier to navigate than Nextdoor, on which people are polite and we probably only have one interaction per month.
When we moved in, one neighbor showed us the ropes as far as utilities and municipal services, and gave a few gifts to our kids. Another neighbor gave us a baked good and a map of the street with everyone's names on it. Super useful!
In turn, when a newlywed couple moved in a few months after us, I gave them some brownies and a set of picture hanging hardware (nails etc). And I got brave and gave everyone on the street, even the neighbors we hadn't met yet, a copy of our Yule letter. I figure the best way to secure motorist caution around our kids and understanding toward our occasionally messy yard and seasonal pagan bonfires is to humanize ourselves as real people.
I haven't dropped by anywhere unannounced other than to drop off the brownies at the newcomers' house, though I share your fondness for the idea of people dropping by my place. But I've started thinking I should invite my favorite neighbors over for tea and conversation sometime. I've brought it up with them but we haven't made concrete plans yet.
Most of the families on our street are older with teenaged or adult children, but there's one family our age with younger kids, and the aforementioned newlywed couple. My kindergartener can run back and forth between our house and his school bus comrade’s, a pleasure and responsibility I never had as a kid. Their family has different ideas about BB guns, screens, and the existence of Santa Claus than we do! So we are going to have to talk that out eventually. But I think the value of having a friend nearby for spontaneous hijinks outweighs a multitude of differences.
I’m definitely a freeze and freak out if someone knocks on the door person. But in my defense, I live rurally and am usually home alone with kids and not within shouting distance of neighbors, so there’s an intimidation factor. I’m usually also in pajamas and unkempt with a wreck of a house I’d be embarrassed by. Our homesteading & unschooling is.... messy 🤷🏻♀️
If I could be certain it was only well meaning neighbors or friends I wouldn’t be so scared, for sure.
Yes yes yes! More stopping by!! I am constantly talking about this with friends but then never muster up the courage to do it myself — which feels absolutely crazy. But it really does feel like it's an intrusion now. I'm all for undoing this weird boundary keeping us from being human together (and have a post in my drafts that speaks to this exact same topic)! THANK YOU for sharing and for getting this inspiration out there 🥳
Yes! If you haven't watched the stand-up video I linked to, do it. And please, write your post, too! I think bringing this back would be so amazing. It makes me sad how much we're all just, like, in our houses on our screens. Not the way it's supposed to be.
LOL I just watched it and was laughing out loud at how spot on it all is. I'm embarrassed to say I have been the person army crawling across the kitchen floor. How did we get to this place!? 🙈
Wow, a friend just sent this to me and it's a topic that's been on my mind for months now (in particular, 9 months — since becoming a mother)! I have been rallying my friendship troops to embrace the "pop by" and wrote a piece on just this (still a draft).
I 100% agree. I feel like I'm ALWAYS so happy and refreshed when this happens, but I can count on one hand the number of times it's happened since becoming an adult. I'm on team bring it back 😂❤️
I'm lucky enough that I have friends I can still do this with. If I drive by and see them sitting on the porch, I usually stop by and say hello. Another friend used to own a building with a downstairs bar(formerly commercial, now just a hang-out spot) and if the door was open, people were welcome to come in. Another friend used to have a sign on her house door that said 'Open' -- meaning she was home and people were welcome to pop in. Of course, this is a small southern town, and the friends in question acutely are about nurturing a sense of community.
I love drop-by, spontaneous visits from friends, and have been fortunate enough to have a few friends in my life that are confident enough to still do so, despite the prevailing culture of fear of the doorbell 😂 Also, my kids are always wanting to drop off cookies, muffins & baguettes at our neighbors’ houses, which is fun.
Last week I decided I was going to bake my neighbor a loaf of sour dough. We stand with her at the bus stop often as her grandson catches the bus and she watches him. When I got the bread out of the oven I walked it over to her house, knocked on the door and found myself feeling embarrassed for just showing up announced. I said things like “I’m not trying to impose on your time I just wanted to give you this blah blah blah” because the millennial in me didn’t want her to feel like she had to “stop what she was doing.” She invited me right in. Started conversation with me, thanked me for the bread, offered to show me around her house. She really didn’t make me feel like I was imposing at all. They later donated an old play house to us and yeah, all in all, couldn’t agree more with this perspective. We really are missing something here. Everyone wants to say they would love to “live in a community where neighbors help each other” but no one wants to even open the door for each other.
Ah, love it - thanks for sharing this story with us! Beautiful. And your last line is spot on. We say we want the village but life has to look a lot different to make that a reality! We have to be willing to let people into our mess, literally and figuratively.
Love this story!
I have 100% been your neighbor hiding in fear when the doorbell rings :) I dread pop ins, ha. But I also love our rural lane where we have very friendly, kind neighbors and lots of open land that we all essentially share when it comes to places for the kids to hike, ride, take their sleds. There's just a big respect for 'space' which I am in favor of. Though I recognize this is a bit of a 'me' problem. I avoid small talk like the plague, ha. Now if people were showing up with coffee in hand for some deep conversation, I might be persuaded!
All good! Everyone is different:)
I hate small talk too… It’s all about who is showing up, I guess, and what your dynamic is. My neighbor and I get together spontaneously and we immediately go deep!
Man your area sounds amazing! Happy for you that you have that sort of set-up🙌🏼
As I say, I recognize it's more my issue than anything - I do think you're right the world would likely be much better with more casual pop ins and neighborly visits!
Hi Amber, I too hope that my new neighborhood of 4 years now can become more and more like the one you describe where we interact easily with each other and truly care about them. I feel like we have pretty good vibes on our street and want to do our part to keep them going. Love one person at a time and see what happens!
“Love one person at a time and see what happens.” Yes. Love it.
Yes!! For us in a small Missouri town this does happen! And I love it. We’ll be outside or my husband working in the garage and people see us and stop.
Hi Kimberly! I'm in St. Louis and my neighborhood has a bit of this, so I can only imagine small-town vibes! I love to hear this ❤️
It’s the Midwest nice,right?! St. Louis is three hours from me and is still a place I want to explore!
Yes, 100%!!! My husband and I spent a few years on both coasts, and being back home in the Midwest after those experiences has really opened my eyes to the Midwest nice!
Whenever you get to St. Louis, please feel free to reach out if you'd like a friendly doorbell to ring 🥰
Yay. Happy to hear that!! Maybe it’s becoming more normal since COVID?
Oh man, having company was the best when I was a kid. I loved it. I grew up in rural Kentucky and it was so common. Now I live in a middle class suburb, and strangely enough, I see people stopping by other houses! The neighbor kiddos often stop to talk to us, too. However, when we were in an apartment, we never saw our neighbors and I didn’t know their names.
Wow, that's awesome! I hope it's random and unplanned! I feel like neighbors should be the first place this starts to get re-normalized. Our neighborhood is getting better, but we definitely feel like the trailblazers/weirdos who want to chat when we're both outside or in our yards, versus everyone just staying on their own property and not looking at each other and pretending we don't live our lives 30 feet away from one another lol
We definitely live in a chat with your neighbors community. Some more than others, but it’s a thing. I also don’t get the social media trend of “waiting in my car/house until the neighbors go inside” thing. Like no wonder y’all are lonely.
Last summer we moved from an exurban town to a cul-de-sac in a denser suburb (1/4 acre lots). I've been surprised and thrilled that about half of the 11 households on our street are outgoing!
During the pandemic they apparently started meeting up outdoors in chairs every Friday afternoon at the end of the street. We didn't spend our pandemic here, but they've kept the meetings going (just during nice weather nowadays), and we enjoy joining them. All it takes is a few friendly households and a standing invitation to make the whole street feel nice, even though there's still two or three families I haven't met yet.
There is a neighborhood group text that's easier to navigate than Nextdoor, on which people are polite and we probably only have one interaction per month.
When we moved in, one neighbor showed us the ropes as far as utilities and municipal services, and gave a few gifts to our kids. Another neighbor gave us a baked good and a map of the street with everyone's names on it. Super useful!
In turn, when a newlywed couple moved in a few months after us, I gave them some brownies and a set of picture hanging hardware (nails etc). And I got brave and gave everyone on the street, even the neighbors we hadn't met yet, a copy of our Yule letter. I figure the best way to secure motorist caution around our kids and understanding toward our occasionally messy yard and seasonal pagan bonfires is to humanize ourselves as real people.
I haven't dropped by anywhere unannounced other than to drop off the brownies at the newcomers' house, though I share your fondness for the idea of people dropping by my place. But I've started thinking I should invite my favorite neighbors over for tea and conversation sometime. I've brought it up with them but we haven't made concrete plans yet.
Most of the families on our street are older with teenaged or adult children, but there's one family our age with younger kids, and the aforementioned newlywed couple. My kindergartener can run back and forth between our house and his school bus comrade’s, a pleasure and responsibility I never had as a kid. Their family has different ideas about BB guns, screens, and the existence of Santa Claus than we do! So we are going to have to talk that out eventually. But I think the value of having a friend nearby for spontaneous hijinks outweighs a multitude of differences.
What a great group of neighbors!
I’m definitely a freeze and freak out if someone knocks on the door person. But in my defense, I live rurally and am usually home alone with kids and not within shouting distance of neighbors, so there’s an intimidation factor. I’m usually also in pajamas and unkempt with a wreck of a house I’d be embarrassed by. Our homesteading & unschooling is.... messy 🤷🏻♀️
If I could be certain it was only well meaning neighbors or friends I wouldn’t be so scared, for sure.
Ha, of course. That makes perfect sense.
Yes yes yes! More stopping by!! I am constantly talking about this with friends but then never muster up the courage to do it myself — which feels absolutely crazy. But it really does feel like it's an intrusion now. I'm all for undoing this weird boundary keeping us from being human together (and have a post in my drafts that speaks to this exact same topic)! THANK YOU for sharing and for getting this inspiration out there 🥳
Yes! If you haven't watched the stand-up video I linked to, do it. And please, write your post, too! I think bringing this back would be so amazing. It makes me sad how much we're all just, like, in our houses on our screens. Not the way it's supposed to be.
LOL I just watched it and was laughing out loud at how spot on it all is. I'm embarrassed to say I have been the person army crawling across the kitchen floor. How did we get to this place!? 🙈
Wow, a friend just sent this to me and it's a topic that's been on my mind for months now (in particular, 9 months — since becoming a mother)! I have been rallying my friendship troops to embrace the "pop by" and wrote a piece on just this (still a draft).
I 100% agree. I feel like I'm ALWAYS so happy and refreshed when this happens, but I can count on one hand the number of times it's happened since becoming an adult. I'm on team bring it back 😂❤️
I'm lucky enough that I have friends I can still do this with. If I drive by and see them sitting on the porch, I usually stop by and say hello. Another friend used to own a building with a downstairs bar(formerly commercial, now just a hang-out spot) and if the door was open, people were welcome to come in. Another friend used to have a sign on her house door that said 'Open' -- meaning she was home and people were welcome to pop in. Of course, this is a small southern town, and the friends in question acutely are about nurturing a sense of community.
Love it. Makes me happy to know it still happens in some places!
I love drop-by, spontaneous visits from friends, and have been fortunate enough to have a few friends in my life that are confident enough to still do so, despite the prevailing culture of fear of the doorbell 😂 Also, my kids are always wanting to drop off cookies, muffins & baguettes at our neighbors’ houses, which is fun.
This is so sweet — I'm wishing we were neighbors now! 😂