Dec 28, 2023·edited Dec 28, 2023Liked by Amber Adrian
Like anything I think it has to be a cost, benefit analysis. I know I've said this before, but I don't think Substack is inherently better than anything else. I get stuck in all the same scroll-y time wasting ways, but it doesn't spike my anxiety the same way. I think it depends on personality type, and aims. I couldn't handle the way IG affected ME. I do encourage people to get off, but I also understand that a lot won't, so I can see both sides. I do miss seeing updates from people! My middle ground is that I've kept my FB account but have only family friends or relatives on it. I can keep up with a few things but it's pretty boring :)
All this to say, I'm on your team! I've thought all the same thoughts the other direction.
Yep, really is dependent on so many things. And yes cost/benefit analysis always for everything!!💯
There’s a snobby vibe in the air around this topic, like I’m so much better than you because I got off social media/don’t use social media. Not a fan. That’s sort of why I wrote this, along with the idea that anyone knows that’s best for anyone else.
"I couldn't handle the way IG affected ME" - Yeah, I've come to be honest about my own reaction to the visual nature of Instagram. It's obviously tangled up in sin and sinful proclivities :) but the visual representation in the mothering corners of IG have absolutely not served me well to say the least, even if the captions and conversation are stuff I agree with. Email lists and newsletters don't have the same effect. Gosh, these are such strange and complicated things to have to hash out. lol
Strange and complicated indeed. Yes I can see that re: images of motherhood. I barely consume motherhood content of really any kind on IG... I’m in the motherhood space as pretty much a creator only! I guess I do see stuff through the “suggested” content (which I hate) and things others share... which reminds me of how I need to still write (or podcast!) about my internal drama about homeschooling and how it was fueled by Instagram!
At some point this year, I removed all but my personal account from IG. As 2024 approaches, I know I’ll add one specifically related to my Substack. I’m a little apprehensive, as this has not gone well for me in the past. But, the way you approach it gives me hope for how I’ll move forward. Thanks for sharing!
Dec 28, 2023·edited Dec 28, 2023Liked by Amber Adrian
This was really great, with helpful food for thought. (Many points which I've been mulling over in my own mind for a while, too, and have come to some slightly different conclusions!)
I love that you point out we're all unique with unique lives. Different stages of life, capacities, and boundaries. Different purposes for using these platforms or social media accounts.
For instance, I absolutely appreciate people who have done the inner work, come up with clear goals and uses, created the boundaries, etc for their creative work or use of ______. And that comes with very different outcomes! One person's honest evaluation will conclude something totally different from the next person's reasons for sharing their personal lives/professional or creative work/community one place over another.
Thanks for reminding us that these choices require the work of personal reflection and wisdom to navigate, no matter what the conclusion. I always look forward to your posts! Keep it up.
A couple of times I took long breaks from IG to “discern” if I should get off for good, and always assumed that the fruit of that discernment would be that I would, indeed, get off it for good, because surely that was “objectively” the better choice? But each time, I ended up feeling that it was the right decision for *me* to stay. Funnily enough, when I took a break that was only ever intended to be a break, I felt clearly that it was time to leave for good.
We are all different, with different circumstances and needs and goals and so on, and there really is no "one size fits all" answer to this.
This line jumped out to me: "Instagram is where people are"
My own use of insta ebbs and flows a ton. I'll go months without logging in, then check it obsessively. But I think I always keep coming back because people I know (irl or otherwise) are there and eventually I want to catch up with their lives. Anyway, enjoyed the thoughts. They resonated with me.
Amber, I stumbled across your profile in Notes and came across this post. I feel a bit embarrassed to read that I may be the one whose words caused you to have such self doubt. I can have a terrible habit of making really declarative statements that in reality may only apply to me! I'm truly sorry if you felt judged In any way.
I often get a bit 'intense' about logging off social media because so many people message me and say how much they want to sign off but then they give XYZ reasons why they "have" to stay. That's when I feel the need to get into tough love mode so they can feel empowered to do what they clearly want to do - sign off.
For whatever reason, just the way my brain works, I was never able to find a system that worked for me with social media. And I totally get the stay-at-home mom isolation. My WhatsApp voice memos and checking in on substack etc are an absolute lifeline to me during the day. If Instagram is providing that much needed community, then that certainly is of very real value.
You absolutely should do what you know is right for you -- and again, I'm so sorry if I caused you unnecessary self-doubt!
Oh my goodness - thank you for the note, Katie. No need to apologize whatsoever. I can understand the intensity since you've had so many of those interactions, and I do think logging off is probably a wise choice for many. I guess I just felt called to provide a counter-experience from all the Leaving Instagram content. We can still be friends despite our differing Instagram choices :)
It’s been two months since I deleted my Instagram and while I don’t regret it, I do know that is “where the people are.” It gave me so much anxiety, to the point where I just couldn’t scroll anymore. Maybe I’ll be back one day!
You never know! I feel like our mental health (and life reality in general) shifts so much in the early years of motherhood. I selfishly hope you do. :)
Like anything I think it has to be a cost, benefit analysis. I know I've said this before, but I don't think Substack is inherently better than anything else. I get stuck in all the same scroll-y time wasting ways, but it doesn't spike my anxiety the same way. I think it depends on personality type, and aims. I couldn't handle the way IG affected ME. I do encourage people to get off, but I also understand that a lot won't, so I can see both sides. I do miss seeing updates from people! My middle ground is that I've kept my FB account but have only family friends or relatives on it. I can keep up with a few things but it's pretty boring :)
All this to say, I'm on your team! I've thought all the same thoughts the other direction.
Yep, really is dependent on so many things. And yes cost/benefit analysis always for everything!!💯
There’s a snobby vibe in the air around this topic, like I’m so much better than you because I got off social media/don’t use social media. Not a fan. That’s sort of why I wrote this, along with the idea that anyone knows that’s best for anyone else.
"I couldn't handle the way IG affected ME" - Yeah, I've come to be honest about my own reaction to the visual nature of Instagram. It's obviously tangled up in sin and sinful proclivities :) but the visual representation in the mothering corners of IG have absolutely not served me well to say the least, even if the captions and conversation are stuff I agree with. Email lists and newsletters don't have the same effect. Gosh, these are such strange and complicated things to have to hash out. lol
Strange and complicated indeed. Yes I can see that re: images of motherhood. I barely consume motherhood content of really any kind on IG... I’m in the motherhood space as pretty much a creator only! I guess I do see stuff through the “suggested” content (which I hate) and things others share... which reminds me of how I need to still write (or podcast!) about my internal drama about homeschooling and how it was fueled by Instagram!
At some point this year, I removed all but my personal account from IG. As 2024 approaches, I know I’ll add one specifically related to my Substack. I’m a little apprehensive, as this has not gone well for me in the past. But, the way you approach it gives me hope for how I’ll move forward. Thanks for sharing!
Ah great to hear from you and I’m so happy to hear you found this helpful!
This was really great, with helpful food for thought. (Many points which I've been mulling over in my own mind for a while, too, and have come to some slightly different conclusions!)
I love that you point out we're all unique with unique lives. Different stages of life, capacities, and boundaries. Different purposes for using these platforms or social media accounts.
For instance, I absolutely appreciate people who have done the inner work, come up with clear goals and uses, created the boundaries, etc for their creative work or use of ______. And that comes with very different outcomes! One person's honest evaluation will conclude something totally different from the next person's reasons for sharing their personal lives/professional or creative work/community one place over another.
Thanks for reminding us that these choices require the work of personal reflection and wisdom to navigate, no matter what the conclusion. I always look forward to your posts! Keep it up.
Thanks for reading and for your kind words Haley❤️ It really is a complex thing!
A couple of times I took long breaks from IG to “discern” if I should get off for good, and always assumed that the fruit of that discernment would be that I would, indeed, get off it for good, because surely that was “objectively” the better choice? But each time, I ended up feeling that it was the right decision for *me* to stay. Funnily enough, when I took a break that was only ever intended to be a break, I felt clearly that it was time to leave for good.
We are all different, with different circumstances and needs and goals and so on, and there really is no "one size fits all" answer to this.
Loved hearing your experiences. No there really isn’t, and I think I shared this because sometimes it feels like people are saying there is.
This line jumped out to me: "Instagram is where people are"
My own use of insta ebbs and flows a ton. I'll go months without logging in, then check it obsessively. But I think I always keep coming back because people I know (irl or otherwise) are there and eventually I want to catch up with their lives. Anyway, enjoyed the thoughts. They resonated with me.
Thanks for reading and sharing your experience❤️
Amber, I stumbled across your profile in Notes and came across this post. I feel a bit embarrassed to read that I may be the one whose words caused you to have such self doubt. I can have a terrible habit of making really declarative statements that in reality may only apply to me! I'm truly sorry if you felt judged In any way.
I often get a bit 'intense' about logging off social media because so many people message me and say how much they want to sign off but then they give XYZ reasons why they "have" to stay. That's when I feel the need to get into tough love mode so they can feel empowered to do what they clearly want to do - sign off.
For whatever reason, just the way my brain works, I was never able to find a system that worked for me with social media. And I totally get the stay-at-home mom isolation. My WhatsApp voice memos and checking in on substack etc are an absolute lifeline to me during the day. If Instagram is providing that much needed community, then that certainly is of very real value.
You absolutely should do what you know is right for you -- and again, I'm so sorry if I caused you unnecessary self-doubt!
Oh my goodness - thank you for the note, Katie. No need to apologize whatsoever. I can understand the intensity since you've had so many of those interactions, and I do think logging off is probably a wise choice for many. I guess I just felt called to provide a counter-experience from all the Leaving Instagram content. We can still be friends despite our differing Instagram choices :)
Absolutely! ❤️
It’s been two months since I deleted my Instagram and while I don’t regret it, I do know that is “where the people are.” It gave me so much anxiety, to the point where I just couldn’t scroll anymore. Maybe I’ll be back one day!
You never know! I feel like our mental health (and life reality in general) shifts so much in the early years of motherhood. I selfishly hope you do. :)