My kids aren’t old enough to play unsupervised yet (2yrs and 4 months), but I and my siblings were free range (some would say feral) children. There were six of us so we were like a small troop on our own. We used to climb trees and make dens and build rafts in ponds and stuff like that. It was awesome!
I love that you are talking about this topic Amber! I think it is really so important. It reminds me of how I would go to the A&W drive-in as a kid that backed up to an old trailer park in a not-so-nice part of town and feel envy of the kids who lived there. I saw them running around, from home to home, in the street. Parents hanging out on the porch or the steps or sticking their heads out the windows every so often. We didn’t live in a fancy neighborhood by any means, but my mom was pretty strict being that we lived on a pretty busy street with lots of traffic and most of our neighbors were older with adult children. This meant that seeing these packs of kids at the trailer park looked awfully tempting to me.
Our current living situation has so many pros and cons-we live on a back road on several acres, so my kids can explore pretty freely, especially my 12 year old. She climbs trees, explores the old barns in the woods, plays in the creek, takes care of the animals. They all have a ton of unstructured play outside and I have NO problem letting them figure out how to be bored 😂
But-we are a little isolated. I don’t feel comfortable letting my daughter ride her bike on the road alone for safety reasons (like no sidewalks and blind turns). Like my own childhood, most of the neighbors are either older with grown kids or childless so she has no one close by to play with. We have a few local dogs that are allowed to roam that I don’t trust. It’s a strange sort of spot, with both million dollar horse ranches and trailers with no electric hooked up and obvious drug activity happening in equal measure.
For our situation, I must be intentional about curating and facilitating time with friends for my older child while also encouraging that time to be instructed. With my younger children, they at least have one another. I knew this was going to be a trade off when moving here but I won’t lie, it is hard!
I appreciate what you said about not caring about being judged for being less worried about safety. I’ve always been one to let my kids play pretty freely at the playground and don’t necessarily jump when they get a minor bump or bruise. I tend to try and let them figure things out between themselves and other kids. But then I feel other parents watching me do this and sometimes act differently according to that feeling of being judged. So that was a good reminder to hold steady and be confident.
***related, my Dad grew up in one of the first consciously planned neighborhoods in the U.S. that made sure to include green space, parks, a pool, schools, churches, and a community center in its development, built in the 50s. It was designed on purpose to be very walkable-to be not only accessible to cars but more so for walking. Lots of sidewalks were included, included to a neighborhood grocery store, little parks etc. There was a ton of green space as well. The area behind my grandparent’s home was a almost like a huge shared backyard with a valley going down to a creek with multiple little trails neighborhood kids had made over the years. My parents even met at the neighborhood bar! This same neighborhood was bought out by the nearby airport and all of the house demolished due to “noise pollution”, and there is a thriving Facebook group of past residents who all tell stories about growing up there, share photos and nostalgia. The way people still talk about growing up there as kids (my Dad included), wild and full of opportunities and things to do, running from yard to yard-and how connected all of these people still are so many years later really is a testament to how special it was. I share this to validate the conscious work you and your husband are doing to make this happen not only for your own kids but the kids they are growing up alongside as well!
I live in a neighborhood designed to be exactly like the one your dad grew up in — except it’s very large, now perhaps too large. We were the thousandth lot or so, and it’s sad to see how it’s changed in just the ten years we’ve lived here (it’s only 20 years old.)
A lot of that has to do with it being split between young families and retirees, a good portion of whom have little tolerance for the activity and noise of children (and some bad apple teens with nothing to do and poor choices to make). More and more, I see fewer and fewer children outside, all these neighbors keeping to themselves, and empty front porches and sidewalks designed for the very opposite.
Yes, I love this. Over the last couple of years we’ve created this in our neighborhood as well. It started with me sending my kids outside to play in the street in front of our house (which is pretty quiet and safe) in the afternoon after lunch (we homeschool). Ive intentionally gathering things over the years for them to play with: scooters, bikes, jump ropes, sidewalk chalk, all different kinds of balls, rollerblades etc. So after a couple years of people regularly seeing my kids outside like this other kids started to join them after they get home from school. We also have a small, very simple park a couple blocks away that I would take them to a lot. These days they play there or in the streets with the neighborhood kids for hours every day (the only kids who are supervised there are the toddlers/preschoolers and there’s a big range of ages playing together). A lot of the time they make up big group games too- today a grandma apparently brought balloons and string to the park and they all played a game where they tied the balloons onto themselves and others tried to pop them. They had a blast! Most of the adults in the neighborhood love the kids running around being kids and keep an eye out for them. It’s become one of my favorite things about living here and a big reason we stay. I’m a big believer in this kind of childhood and know it can be done!
Love this. We try to cultivate an unsupervised play environment around our place too, but I can't even count the number of times people have confronted us bc the think our kids shouldn't be unsupervised in, say, the front yard. Crazier still, most of the people who confront us are older, so it seems like they should remember when kids playing was the norm. It hasn't stopped us, but it's incredible the amount of pressure well-meaning(?) strangers put on parents to helicopter.
Ugh, yes, a friend lives on a busier street and she has had people call the cops for her kids being in their front yard🤦🏽♀️ It is interesting for sure to think about why older people would be the ones doing that. Maybe it’s just a “kids these days” kind of thing…I know there is a feeling among older generations that millennials on down “let the kids run the show.” So maybe they’re just applying that logic here too. Funny thing is they also want to criticize for all the tech use. Can’t win🙃
I loved "Free Range Kids" as well; it's no coincidence that the author teamed with Jon Haidt to form the organization Let Grow. Our kids are still young, so accommodating unsupervised play involves doing household work out of sight but within ear shot of screams. All the neighborhood kids play outside on their own, though they mostly stay on the same side of the street due to the commuters that scream through the neighborhood. Unlike gangbangers, pedophiles, and other exaggerated risks of city life, traffic violence is very real and very ignored. When you have a two-year-old that wants to do what children naturally do - run, explore, chase - you realize just what a constant threat these giant metal boxes are to them. Until the U.S. has its own "Stop de Kindermoord" movement, I imagine we'll do what the neighbors do - walk to the neighborhood park and sit on the swings with the other parents while the kids have at it. How have you guys addressed streets and cars?
Hey Joe! Did *not* know that Lenore was working with Jon! But no surprise! Very cool. I've been wanting to look into his organization.
Sounds like you're figuring it out in your area! I'm so glad to hear it. And yes, age matters so much - a two-year-old is SO different from even a three-year-old, and then all kids are different too. As in all parenting, it's knowing your child(ren) and using your intuition. But it's good to have an ideal you're working toward! Free park play is great. I see so many parents hover at the park, and I want to shout "They're fine! Sit down and relax!" (Of course again, it's possible they know their kid well and the supervision they need; I'm speaking generally.)
We live in a neighborhood that doesn't have a lot of traffic, just people who live on the three streets that comprise it. We do have cars that zoom through sometimes though. I actually just called the city last week to see about getting a sign up, since the number of children on our block has rapidly increased in the past few years. As for how we handle it, we do let our big kids go across the street, walking or biking, and we've also recently allowed them to bike down a block or so into a cul-de-sac and back. There's always some risk involved, but we have walked and bike with them a lot, and we feel comfortable with it. They know to look and be aware. They are also 6 and almost 8. Our 2.5yo likes to ride down our driveway and into the street about a foot or so, and we are constantly supporting her lately with understanding "driveway" vs. "street." We also have no fenced-in yard, so she basically doesn't play outside unsupervised. One of us is always either outside with her or keeping a very close eye as we try to do something else. Her big sisters also will watch her out there, but we don't like to put that responsibility on them.
Living in a city, we have the very real issue of cars and unsafe driving to contend with. Unfortunately, our little city has had numerous pedestrian fatalities... We go to a huge local park a couple blocks away and let the kids run free there. We try not to step foot on the playground & just let them do their thing (6 and 3yo). Same thing with my daughter after school-- she runs around her (enclosed) school playground with her friends for hours & largely the parents don't hover. City living definitely complicates the whole free range idea a little, but it's doable. It's going to be harder for me once the kids are old enough to walk to school by themselves. Drivers can be so negligent. It terrifies seeing how many drivers are literally looking down at their phones in their moving 2000+ lb vehicles...
Very real and I'm sorry to hear of the fatalities. Sounds like you're finding your way in the area in which you live. If I remember right, the Free-Range Kids book was about an urban setting - have you read it? However that was written before every single person had a smartphone. It is truly wild how people drive and look at their phones. Lots of people don't, but lots do (I like to look sometimes). It's hard to know the line. I just wrote above that we recently started letting our 6 and 8yo bike a few blocks down in our neighborhood and back by themselves. I wasn't sure about it, but another neighbor felt comfortable with it so we said ok. People will say "it only takes one time!" but I try really hard to be rational and not let fear run the show.
Love this. I think I am the opposite of most modern parents: I am underprotective in the physical world and overprotective in the virtual world. I’m okay with that though!
I like to say that I'm a screen-crunchy mom. I know lots of moms who describe themselves as crunchy when they are explaining that they only eat organic, avoid "toxins," use essential oils etc; those things don't interest me but I have the same measured and discerning approach to my kids and screens and people seem to (kinda) get it when I use the "crunchy" language.
I wish this were possible where we are! Our problem is lack of kids. We are one of two families on our street that has kids—there’s one other family but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen them outside the house. My hope is that more families will move into the neighborhood, but even more so that we will get some of the “play street” signs that our city is starting to put in neighborhoods with lots of kids. This keeps through-traffic at a minimum, which is a big concern of mine, because cars regularly tear through our street at ridiculous speeds. But I think you need a certain number of kids on a street for the city to do that, so…maybe someday! But I loved the article you wrote and definitely think this is the ideal.
Yes more kids definitely helps! As I said in the article, our neighborhood was like that when we first moved in! Also I just mentioned in another response that I called our city just last week to check on a sign like that!
My homeschool mom friends and I talk about this all the time and we all have our own struggles implementing it. Between the few of us, we have a troup of about 15 kids that we inflict on a local park about once a week and let them all run where they want (usually off trail). The big ones watch the little ones and we moms all try to get over our fear of tics and poison ivy.
This was great, and lots to think about. Our kids are younger (4, 3, 1) so we are in learning mode about how older kids of older parents do things. I currently let/make them have unstructured play time in the fenced in backyard (with a closer eye on the little guy through the convenient kitchen window out back!) I don’t really know what’s normal as I don’t see what other parents do with that age at their house, but an enclosed yard for kids 4 and under seems fine? But then I saw someone on here people talking about how they’re with their kids supervising at that age. lol I could not do that all day. We also have a huge, spacious school park/playground we walk to in the neighborhood in the evenings. I am always a bit shocked when I see kids (and there’s usually someone here and there) playing there unsupervised. Usually coming over on scooters or bikes. But then I think “hey this is great and my younger kids love having these random and free kids to play with!” But I can totally see what it’s hard to shake the helicopter mode! So now I’m just happy to see kids coming to the playground.
Yes, younger kids like that is a whole other thing! But it's great that you're starting to let them have some independence! An enclosed yard for small kids like that is totally fine, in general! It just depends on the environment and on the kids themselves. You have to know what's okay for *your* kids in *your* yard.
As for the kids in the park, I do think that sadly a lot of kids exist with very little supervision at all, which is in my mind a whole other thing. (Child neglect is very real.) But for all you know those kids' caregiver can see them at the park out their window! And again, depends on the child's age/personality, I think.
So many things to consider in parenting, always. You're doing great! Thanks for reading!
Yeah, after thinking about it, there have been instances where I've gotten the vibe from certain children at this school playground (based on their age and interactions) that maybe the situation is more neglect or lack of general supervision. But as you said, that's a whole other thing!
No, they don’t! They literally all go to different schools😂 I hadn’t thought about that til just now. Basically they just knock on each other’s doors to play, or whoever is outside they make a plan. Also sometimes we just stay in our own yards too. It’s very casual and still somewhat unpredictable! Last Saturday one of the moms set up a lemonade stand in their front yard so a bunch of them were doing that all afternoon and having a ball😃
This sounds so much like my own childhood and I love it. We had cousins a few streets down and friends directly across from us and then my brother and I. After we moved, we were in a homeschooling neighborhood with probably 50 kids within a ten minute walk. It was glorious.
I love the comments here and people creating this kind of childhood for their kids. I’m trying too. The kids all meet at one neighbor’s backyard play set and the kids play. It is so simple. I’ve taken it further and gotten to know the families over the years too. Bbqs, walks, etc Outdoor time is good for all generations involved!
Wonderful points here, Amber! I agree that modeling (I love your husband's comment about showing that it is fun!) and communication are key. For example, when someone calls you or knocks on your door to say, "Uh, do you know that your kids are walking down the street by themselves?" it is good to treat that as a good thing, if you can. How wonderful that other adults are keeping an eye our for kids who may be in trouble. And you want people to come to you with their concerns, not call the cops! It's an opportunity to make these people into allies, rather than to get upset and cagey.
Yes! I've found it to be so true that when you lead the way in confidence and love people do pay attention (and often join you!). But it's much easier to be defensive and annoyed and bitter...
Thank you for reading, Dixie, and for your thoughts!
I don't think the problem is that it's "weird" to let your kids play outside unsupervised. I think it's that many areas are extremely unsafe for kids. Where I live now it's very safe, and kids absolutely should have unsupervised time outside. Where I lived last year? Hahahaha I as an adult man did not feel safe, let alone children.
IMO and generally speaking, “helicopter” parenting is much more accepted/normal than a more free-range kind of style, and I don’t think this has to do with actual lack of safety (though of course it does for some!)
Hm, that’s definitely not my intention. If you are a parent who is on board philosophically with a more free-range approach but live in an area where is not as possible if you’d like, that’s a bummer and I feel for you. I by no means think all parents who don’t do this in the ways I’ve described are, like, letting fear run the show. Many have expressed concern over physical safety in the comments here and I don’t think I’ve responded in a way that is dismissive of that. Just because an ideal isn’t possible for everyone doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it. I’m just speaking from my own experience and what our neighborhood is like, and things I’ve noticed about the broader zeitgeist around parenting. If any of this is coming off as overly prescriptive or judgy, for that I apologize!
I don't worry about anything natural hurting my kids and I don't unduly worry about "stranger danger" (it's statistically irrelevant and it's easy to teach kids the basics about staying together, never going anywhere with anyone, if you need help look for an adult in a uniform or with children) but I worry a LOT about cars and drivers.
My kids play outside unsupervised almost every day and have for years, but often times with no other kids (though they try), despite the fact that it’s a neighborhood FILLED with children and parks and green spaces.
They play, for the most part, behind our house (we live in a neighborhood with driveways in the back creating alleys and our alley happens to wrap around a large culvert ditch). We have a large driveway and the alley is quite wide so it’s felt like a very spacious place, albeit largely concrete and blacktop, to spread their unsupervised wings.
But I’m committed to that time for them, even though it’s a little dicey on one end of the alley that runs behind a slightly busier road that people try to bypass and cut through our alley instead. Three years ago, even, my currently seven year old (who is my youngest), was hit by a car on his bike back there and thankfully came out with only a scratch. It was a contractor driving through after finishing a painting job, though that’s one of just many cars that cut through on a given day (on an alley designed only for its residents.)
For awhile, after that happened, I questioned all of my parenting choices, but it was and remains an important lesson for me and my kids. This may be the summer I finally let them wander together to some of the neighborhood parks and see how that goes — maybe they’ll find the other kids who play the same way they do!
We live in a neighborhood where friends intentionally bought houses near each other. We have "walk to a friend's house, knock on the door, and ask if their kids can play" outings several times a week (and then see those same kids weekly at Mass and at Friday dinners). Kids of a variety of ages play outside without close supervision, they know we're inside if they need us.
We host open invite Friday dinners and invite individuals and families we meet at the library or see out on walks or meet at the nearby church. Many people don't take us up on it, but for those who do, they can meet new friends and get to know their neighbors and the neighbors' kids, so when we see each other out and about, we can wave and say hi. (And not call CPS on each other, thanks.)
My kids aren’t old enough to play unsupervised yet (2yrs and 4 months), but I and my siblings were free range (some would say feral) children. There were six of us so we were like a small troop on our own. We used to climb trees and make dens and build rafts in ponds and stuff like that. It was awesome!
I love that you are talking about this topic Amber! I think it is really so important. It reminds me of how I would go to the A&W drive-in as a kid that backed up to an old trailer park in a not-so-nice part of town and feel envy of the kids who lived there. I saw them running around, from home to home, in the street. Parents hanging out on the porch or the steps or sticking their heads out the windows every so often. We didn’t live in a fancy neighborhood by any means, but my mom was pretty strict being that we lived on a pretty busy street with lots of traffic and most of our neighbors were older with adult children. This meant that seeing these packs of kids at the trailer park looked awfully tempting to me.
Our current living situation has so many pros and cons-we live on a back road on several acres, so my kids can explore pretty freely, especially my 12 year old. She climbs trees, explores the old barns in the woods, plays in the creek, takes care of the animals. They all have a ton of unstructured play outside and I have NO problem letting them figure out how to be bored 😂
But-we are a little isolated. I don’t feel comfortable letting my daughter ride her bike on the road alone for safety reasons (like no sidewalks and blind turns). Like my own childhood, most of the neighbors are either older with grown kids or childless so she has no one close by to play with. We have a few local dogs that are allowed to roam that I don’t trust. It’s a strange sort of spot, with both million dollar horse ranches and trailers with no electric hooked up and obvious drug activity happening in equal measure.
For our situation, I must be intentional about curating and facilitating time with friends for my older child while also encouraging that time to be instructed. With my younger children, they at least have one another. I knew this was going to be a trade off when moving here but I won’t lie, it is hard!
I appreciate what you said about not caring about being judged for being less worried about safety. I’ve always been one to let my kids play pretty freely at the playground and don’t necessarily jump when they get a minor bump or bruise. I tend to try and let them figure things out between themselves and other kids. But then I feel other parents watching me do this and sometimes act differently according to that feeling of being judged. So that was a good reminder to hold steady and be confident.
***related, my Dad grew up in one of the first consciously planned neighborhoods in the U.S. that made sure to include green space, parks, a pool, schools, churches, and a community center in its development, built in the 50s. It was designed on purpose to be very walkable-to be not only accessible to cars but more so for walking. Lots of sidewalks were included, included to a neighborhood grocery store, little parks etc. There was a ton of green space as well. The area behind my grandparent’s home was a almost like a huge shared backyard with a valley going down to a creek with multiple little trails neighborhood kids had made over the years. My parents even met at the neighborhood bar! This same neighborhood was bought out by the nearby airport and all of the house demolished due to “noise pollution”, and there is a thriving Facebook group of past residents who all tell stories about growing up there, share photos and nostalgia. The way people still talk about growing up there as kids (my Dad included), wild and full of opportunities and things to do, running from yard to yard-and how connected all of these people still are so many years later really is a testament to how special it was. I share this to validate the conscious work you and your husband are doing to make this happen not only for your own kids but the kids they are growing up alongside as well!
I live in a neighborhood designed to be exactly like the one your dad grew up in — except it’s very large, now perhaps too large. We were the thousandth lot or so, and it’s sad to see how it’s changed in just the ten years we’ve lived here (it’s only 20 years old.)
A lot of that has to do with it being split between young families and retirees, a good portion of whom have little tolerance for the activity and noise of children (and some bad apple teens with nothing to do and poor choices to make). More and more, I see fewer and fewer children outside, all these neighbors keeping to themselves, and empty front porches and sidewalks designed for the very opposite.
Yes, I love this. Over the last couple of years we’ve created this in our neighborhood as well. It started with me sending my kids outside to play in the street in front of our house (which is pretty quiet and safe) in the afternoon after lunch (we homeschool). Ive intentionally gathering things over the years for them to play with: scooters, bikes, jump ropes, sidewalk chalk, all different kinds of balls, rollerblades etc. So after a couple years of people regularly seeing my kids outside like this other kids started to join them after they get home from school. We also have a small, very simple park a couple blocks away that I would take them to a lot. These days they play there or in the streets with the neighborhood kids for hours every day (the only kids who are supervised there are the toddlers/preschoolers and there’s a big range of ages playing together). A lot of the time they make up big group games too- today a grandma apparently brought balloons and string to the park and they all played a game where they tied the balloons onto themselves and others tried to pop them. They had a blast! Most of the adults in the neighborhood love the kids running around being kids and keep an eye out for them. It’s become one of my favorite things about living here and a big reason we stay. I’m a big believer in this kind of childhood and know it can be done!
Ah I love to hear this! Way to be the change! How wonderful - thanks for sharing.
Love this. We try to cultivate an unsupervised play environment around our place too, but I can't even count the number of times people have confronted us bc the think our kids shouldn't be unsupervised in, say, the front yard. Crazier still, most of the people who confront us are older, so it seems like they should remember when kids playing was the norm. It hasn't stopped us, but it's incredible the amount of pressure well-meaning(?) strangers put on parents to helicopter.
Glad it hasn’t stopped you! Keep on paving the way!!
Ugh, yes, a friend lives on a busier street and she has had people call the cops for her kids being in their front yard🤦🏽♀️ It is interesting for sure to think about why older people would be the ones doing that. Maybe it’s just a “kids these days” kind of thing…I know there is a feeling among older generations that millennials on down “let the kids run the show.” So maybe they’re just applying that logic here too. Funny thing is they also want to criticize for all the tech use. Can’t win🙃
I loved "Free Range Kids" as well; it's no coincidence that the author teamed with Jon Haidt to form the organization Let Grow. Our kids are still young, so accommodating unsupervised play involves doing household work out of sight but within ear shot of screams. All the neighborhood kids play outside on their own, though they mostly stay on the same side of the street due to the commuters that scream through the neighborhood. Unlike gangbangers, pedophiles, and other exaggerated risks of city life, traffic violence is very real and very ignored. When you have a two-year-old that wants to do what children naturally do - run, explore, chase - you realize just what a constant threat these giant metal boxes are to them. Until the U.S. has its own "Stop de Kindermoord" movement, I imagine we'll do what the neighbors do - walk to the neighborhood park and sit on the swings with the other parents while the kids have at it. How have you guys addressed streets and cars?
Hey Joe! Did *not* know that Lenore was working with Jon! But no surprise! Very cool. I've been wanting to look into his organization.
Sounds like you're figuring it out in your area! I'm so glad to hear it. And yes, age matters so much - a two-year-old is SO different from even a three-year-old, and then all kids are different too. As in all parenting, it's knowing your child(ren) and using your intuition. But it's good to have an ideal you're working toward! Free park play is great. I see so many parents hover at the park, and I want to shout "They're fine! Sit down and relax!" (Of course again, it's possible they know their kid well and the supervision they need; I'm speaking generally.)
We live in a neighborhood that doesn't have a lot of traffic, just people who live on the three streets that comprise it. We do have cars that zoom through sometimes though. I actually just called the city last week to see about getting a sign up, since the number of children on our block has rapidly increased in the past few years. As for how we handle it, we do let our big kids go across the street, walking or biking, and we've also recently allowed them to bike down a block or so into a cul-de-sac and back. There's always some risk involved, but we have walked and bike with them a lot, and we feel comfortable with it. They know to look and be aware. They are also 6 and almost 8. Our 2.5yo likes to ride down our driveway and into the street about a foot or so, and we are constantly supporting her lately with understanding "driveway" vs. "street." We also have no fenced-in yard, so she basically doesn't play outside unsupervised. One of us is always either outside with her or keeping a very close eye as we try to do something else. Her big sisters also will watch her out there, but we don't like to put that responsibility on them.
Living in a city, we have the very real issue of cars and unsafe driving to contend with. Unfortunately, our little city has had numerous pedestrian fatalities... We go to a huge local park a couple blocks away and let the kids run free there. We try not to step foot on the playground & just let them do their thing (6 and 3yo). Same thing with my daughter after school-- she runs around her (enclosed) school playground with her friends for hours & largely the parents don't hover. City living definitely complicates the whole free range idea a little, but it's doable. It's going to be harder for me once the kids are old enough to walk to school by themselves. Drivers can be so negligent. It terrifies seeing how many drivers are literally looking down at their phones in their moving 2000+ lb vehicles...
Very real and I'm sorry to hear of the fatalities. Sounds like you're finding your way in the area in which you live. If I remember right, the Free-Range Kids book was about an urban setting - have you read it? However that was written before every single person had a smartphone. It is truly wild how people drive and look at their phones. Lots of people don't, but lots do (I like to look sometimes). It's hard to know the line. I just wrote above that we recently started letting our 6 and 8yo bike a few blocks down in our neighborhood and back by themselves. I wasn't sure about it, but another neighbor felt comfortable with it so we said ok. People will say "it only takes one time!" but I try really hard to be rational and not let fear run the show.
I haven't read it! But yeah, it feels like a whole new world now having to contend with distracted drivers on their smartphones.
Just looked up "Stop de Kindermoord" - very cool. Love that there was a mother intimately involved ;) https://usa.streetsblog.org/2013/02/20/the-origins-of-hollands-stop-murdering-children-street-safety-movement
Love this. I think I am the opposite of most modern parents: I am underprotective in the physical world and overprotective in the virtual world. I’m okay with that though!
I like to say that I'm a screen-crunchy mom. I know lots of moms who describe themselves as crunchy when they are explaining that they only eat organic, avoid "toxins," use essential oils etc; those things don't interest me but I have the same measured and discerning approach to my kids and screens and people seem to (kinda) get it when I use the "crunchy" language.
Ha, love this!
I wish this were possible where we are! Our problem is lack of kids. We are one of two families on our street that has kids—there’s one other family but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen them outside the house. My hope is that more families will move into the neighborhood, but even more so that we will get some of the “play street” signs that our city is starting to put in neighborhoods with lots of kids. This keeps through-traffic at a minimum, which is a big concern of mine, because cars regularly tear through our street at ridiculous speeds. But I think you need a certain number of kids on a street for the city to do that, so…maybe someday! But I loved the article you wrote and definitely think this is the ideal.
Yes more kids definitely helps! As I said in the article, our neighborhood was like that when we first moved in! Also I just mentioned in another response that I called our city just last week to check on a sign like that!
My homeschool mom friends and I talk about this all the time and we all have our own struggles implementing it. Between the few of us, we have a troup of about 15 kids that we inflict on a local park about once a week and let them all run where they want (usually off trail). The big ones watch the little ones and we moms all try to get over our fear of tics and poison ivy.
This was great, and lots to think about. Our kids are younger (4, 3, 1) so we are in learning mode about how older kids of older parents do things. I currently let/make them have unstructured play time in the fenced in backyard (with a closer eye on the little guy through the convenient kitchen window out back!) I don’t really know what’s normal as I don’t see what other parents do with that age at their house, but an enclosed yard for kids 4 and under seems fine? But then I saw someone on here people talking about how they’re with their kids supervising at that age. lol I could not do that all day. We also have a huge, spacious school park/playground we walk to in the neighborhood in the evenings. I am always a bit shocked when I see kids (and there’s usually someone here and there) playing there unsupervised. Usually coming over on scooters or bikes. But then I think “hey this is great and my younger kids love having these random and free kids to play with!” But I can totally see what it’s hard to shake the helicopter mode! So now I’m just happy to see kids coming to the playground.
Yes, younger kids like that is a whole other thing! But it's great that you're starting to let them have some independence! An enclosed yard for small kids like that is totally fine, in general! It just depends on the environment and on the kids themselves. You have to know what's okay for *your* kids in *your* yard.
As for the kids in the park, I do think that sadly a lot of kids exist with very little supervision at all, which is in my mind a whole other thing. (Child neglect is very real.) But for all you know those kids' caregiver can see them at the park out their window! And again, depends on the child's age/personality, I think.
So many things to consider in parenting, always. You're doing great! Thanks for reading!
Yeah, after thinking about it, there have been instances where I've gotten the vibe from certain children at this school playground (based on their age and interactions) that maybe the situation is more neglect or lack of general supervision. But as you said, that's a whole other thing!
Love thinking about this! Do your kids go to school with the neighborhood kids? During the school year, how does this look for you guys?
No, they don’t! They literally all go to different schools😂 I hadn’t thought about that til just now. Basically they just knock on each other’s doors to play, or whoever is outside they make a plan. Also sometimes we just stay in our own yards too. It’s very casual and still somewhat unpredictable! Last Saturday one of the moms set up a lemonade stand in their front yard so a bunch of them were doing that all afternoon and having a ball😃
This sounds so much like my own childhood and I love it. We had cousins a few streets down and friends directly across from us and then my brother and I. After we moved, we were in a homeschooling neighborhood with probably 50 kids within a ten minute walk. It was glorious.
I love the comments here and people creating this kind of childhood for their kids. I’m trying too. The kids all meet at one neighbor’s backyard play set and the kids play. It is so simple. I’ve taken it further and gotten to know the families over the years too. Bbqs, walks, etc Outdoor time is good for all generations involved!
Wonderful points here, Amber! I agree that modeling (I love your husband's comment about showing that it is fun!) and communication are key. For example, when someone calls you or knocks on your door to say, "Uh, do you know that your kids are walking down the street by themselves?" it is good to treat that as a good thing, if you can. How wonderful that other adults are keeping an eye our for kids who may be in trouble. And you want people to come to you with their concerns, not call the cops! It's an opportunity to make these people into allies, rather than to get upset and cagey.
Yes! I've found it to be so true that when you lead the way in confidence and love people do pay attention (and often join you!). But it's much easier to be defensive and annoyed and bitter...
Thank you for reading, Dixie, and for your thoughts!
I don't think the problem is that it's "weird" to let your kids play outside unsupervised. I think it's that many areas are extremely unsafe for kids. Where I live now it's very safe, and kids absolutely should have unsupervised time outside. Where I lived last year? Hahahaha I as an adult man did not feel safe, let alone children.
IMO and generally speaking, “helicopter” parenting is much more accepted/normal than a more free-range kind of style, and I don’t think this has to do with actual lack of safety (though of course it does for some!)
I am glad you're in a place where you can think of it this way, but I worry you are misrepresenting legitimate concerns many parents have.
Hm, that’s definitely not my intention. If you are a parent who is on board philosophically with a more free-range approach but live in an area where is not as possible if you’d like, that’s a bummer and I feel for you. I by no means think all parents who don’t do this in the ways I’ve described are, like, letting fear run the show. Many have expressed concern over physical safety in the comments here and I don’t think I’ve responded in a way that is dismissive of that. Just because an ideal isn’t possible for everyone doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it. I’m just speaking from my own experience and what our neighborhood is like, and things I’ve noticed about the broader zeitgeist around parenting. If any of this is coming off as overly prescriptive or judgy, for that I apologize!
I don't worry about anything natural hurting my kids and I don't unduly worry about "stranger danger" (it's statistically irrelevant and it's easy to teach kids the basics about staying together, never going anywhere with anyone, if you need help look for an adult in a uniform or with children) but I worry a LOT about cars and drivers.
My kids play outside unsupervised almost every day and have for years, but often times with no other kids (though they try), despite the fact that it’s a neighborhood FILLED with children and parks and green spaces.
They play, for the most part, behind our house (we live in a neighborhood with driveways in the back creating alleys and our alley happens to wrap around a large culvert ditch). We have a large driveway and the alley is quite wide so it’s felt like a very spacious place, albeit largely concrete and blacktop, to spread their unsupervised wings.
But I’m committed to that time for them, even though it’s a little dicey on one end of the alley that runs behind a slightly busier road that people try to bypass and cut through our alley instead. Three years ago, even, my currently seven year old (who is my youngest), was hit by a car on his bike back there and thankfully came out with only a scratch. It was a contractor driving through after finishing a painting job, though that’s one of just many cars that cut through on a given day (on an alley designed only for its residents.)
For awhile, after that happened, I questioned all of my parenting choices, but it was and remains an important lesson for me and my kids. This may be the summer I finally let them wander together to some of the neighborhood parks and see how that goes — maybe they’ll find the other kids who play the same way they do!
We live in a neighborhood where friends intentionally bought houses near each other. We have "walk to a friend's house, knock on the door, and ask if their kids can play" outings several times a week (and then see those same kids weekly at Mass and at Friday dinners). Kids of a variety of ages play outside without close supervision, they know we're inside if they need us.
We host open invite Friday dinners and invite individuals and families we meet at the library or see out on walks or meet at the nearby church. Many people don't take us up on it, but for those who do, they can meet new friends and get to know their neighbors and the neighbors' kids, so when we see each other out and about, we can wave and say hi. (And not call CPS on each other, thanks.)
On our intentional neighborhood community:
https://open.substack.com/pub/katedominguez/p/guest-post-griffin-jones-on-intentional?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=2p30h7