Feminism, this is why no one likes you anymore
The agency women actually need
This piece was inspired by an article the Washington Post published about a week ago about women getting off the birth control pill in droves and why that might be, a piece that (rightly) infuriated women all across the political spectrum.
One of the biggest things feminism fights for is for women to have agency over their bodies. In the 60s it was the birth control pill. Now, it’s access to abortion.
This makes sense; our bodies as women make us vulnerable. I actually don’t disagree. Women do need agency over their own bodies.
Where I’d disagree is what that actually looks like.
Agency: the capacity to act or exert power.
Women need to understand the design of their female physiology and internalize from a young age a sense of wonder and awe instead of shame and burden. (Until my mid-thirties, I was mostly annoyed by my period every month and had pretty much no idea how my body actually worked.)
Women need doctors who understand the female body1 and don’t just throw a powerful pharmaceutical product at them as a solution for any number of problems. (I was prescribed birth control as a teenager for my cramps, and also to help improve my skin.)
Women need to know that their hormones run on a monthly cycle, while men’s run on a daily one, and that the world is built mostly for the latter. (Once I learned this and let go of the “hustle” mentality, my life was forever changed.)
Women need to know there are alternatives to types of birth control that alter or damage their healthy, functioning bodies. (I only just learned in the last year or so about all the amazing, robust fertility awareness methods that exist. I am 40.)
Women need to know that these same alternatives can help them achieve pregnancy when they desire (instead of pharmaceutical and technological processes) and help diagnose problems at the root. (We struggled at first, and I had no idea a woman could only get pregnant a handful of days in a month, which was upsetting and embarrassing. I also did two rounds of Clomid and we were on that path until we got off it.)
Women need a birth experience that doesn’t center convenience, profit, and legal protection. (I educated myself about birth and the system and I was still disrespected, mismanaged, and traumatized twice before I birthed my third baby in sovereignty and power at home.)
Women need support to breastfeed, instead of unsolicited formula samples and “fed is best” and weird looks when they try to feed their children in public. (I had to fight in more ways than one to breastfeed my babies, and it has been one of the most meaningful experiences of my life.)
Women need the postpartum time to be honored and respected as a time to heal, rest, and integrate. (And also, standard pelvic floor therapy.)
Women need to be believed when they speak about bodily harm brought to them and their children by the medical industry or pharmaceutical products. (Believe women! But just about one topic, I guess?)
Women need to not be shamed when they go looking for information on their bodies that isn’t available from our schools or our medical system. (I’ve sought out my own health information for years, only to be faced with articles like this from our legacy media that cast me as gullible and/or paranoid for doing so.)
Where is feminism?
This is a question I’ve been asking for about a decade as I’ve seen how our culture lets women down when it comes to health and motherhood. When will these issues about women’s bodies enter into mainstream feminist conversation? How can we be fighting for agency over our bodies when we aren’t taught anything about how they work? Why are we so concerned about widespread access to medical birth control2 and abortion while none of these basic things are ever even discussed?
Never have I been more in touch with my body than I have as a mother and a woman who’s taken charge of her health. So yeah I’ll fight for women having agency over their own bodies. Absolutely.
But not like that.
Feminism3 and the medical industrial complex: women are watching and listening. They are not dumb. And they are tired.
More reflections on feminism:
Also, how about sex-specific research instead of default male subjects? We are not the same.
My brother is a pharmacist and told me there’s now an over-the-counter version of hormonal birth control.
Of the mainstream American sort. Also, regarding the title of this post, I heard this line from Beka Clayton who is @beka.xo.co on Instagram. Love it. Always try to give credit where credit is due.
“Women need to not be shamed when they go looking for information on their bodies that isn’t available from our schools or our medical system.”
THIS. The birth control article from the post was a tone deaf train wreck, but perhaps the most infuriating part for me is that they discounted the actual lived experiences of women because they don’t have a degree.
No, I’m not a doctor. And, I don’t need a MD to tell *my story* of how birth control nearly ruined my mental health & my fertility.
Great points here. I read the WP article and thought, really? One of the first practitioners they mention is a man, who’s pictured with a rainbow flag in the background and a “Facts are important” poster on the wall. Huh. What “facts” have most women been fed about our bodies by doctors?
I’m so thankful that after a miscarriage caused by a blot clot, just as I’d stopped using the birth control patch, that I stopped using hormonal BC altogether. Learning about my fertility—beginning with a book my husband bought me—was so empowering. I hope more women keep learning about their own bodies, patterns, and fertility. A plug here for NaPro fertility methods (short for natural procreative) and a re-plug for pelvic floor therapy, too. :)