I have absolutely approached food from a behaviorist standpoint without realizing it—and I think I didn’t realize it because I was using a different metric than my own mom. Since reading Nourished, I have really tried to focus on anticipating my children’s hunger (especially for snacks) and it’s really sweet how excited they get when they see the food already out on the table. They also tend to be more open to trying new things when they can tell I really had them in mind when I made the food and set it out for them. Do they still sometimes opt for salami and apples (always an option if they don’t like the food I’ve prepared)? Yes. But I would say that this approach has really been helpful for healing some of *my* wounds around the way I was fed (not really nourished) as a child and it has strengthened my relationship with my boys. Win, win.
Chapter five actually shifted quite a bit for me in terms of comprehending eating dynamics in our family. It's been a bit of a deep dive into grief over here, sorting out the many bids for connection I've completely missed in processing nutrition as food composition first, relationship second. Like my teenager always offering me a bite from whatever junk food he has stashed for his own snacking, and my totally inappropriate irritation at his persistence in offering me what he knows I don't eat...and even my lack of understanding around why he might pick certain things to continually have on hand and then not eat at the table even when I've prepared his favorites. It occurs to me that maybe in continually shunning his snacks I've been shoving away relationship, and in shoving away relationship shutting down his capacity for being fed by me. Clearly it has never been the food that has been the problem. Not to mention that he is definitely sensitive to textures and changes of all kinds...
While I don't usually mark my books, Nourished has been COVERED in ink so far, via underlining, starring, and many, many margin notes. What an intense read.
Also, I really loved the quote Deborah included from Keridwen Cornelius: "Eating with your hands is a sensuous indulgence....impaling raspberries on your fingertips and kissing them off one by one until your mouth is juicy and full. It's squashing grapes underfoot... The mutual giving and receiving between fingers and tongue. Primal and earth and natural."
I wonder how many of us remember being invited to share food with a loved one as playful sensual delight in the present moment versus being told we "should" eat something because we need to grow strong or be healthy. I also wonder how many of us were subtly influenced as children to view pleasure in eating as gluttony or unhealthy (i.e. too many sweets, too many helpings of a favorite dish of food, carrying too much weight to be able to eat a high-calorie food). And of course this runs parallel to the encoding away from pleasure that accompanies any other aspect of living within and through a body, especially for people whose faith involves some element of required martyrdom in daily life.
I have absolutely approached food from a behaviorist standpoint without realizing it—and I think I didn’t realize it because I was using a different metric than my own mom. Since reading Nourished, I have really tried to focus on anticipating my children’s hunger (especially for snacks) and it’s really sweet how excited they get when they see the food already out on the table. They also tend to be more open to trying new things when they can tell I really had them in mind when I made the food and set it out for them. Do they still sometimes opt for salami and apples (always an option if they don’t like the food I’ve prepared)? Yes. But I would say that this approach has really been helpful for healing some of *my* wounds around the way I was fed (not really nourished) as a child and it has strengthened my relationship with my boys. Win, win.
Chapter five actually shifted quite a bit for me in terms of comprehending eating dynamics in our family. It's been a bit of a deep dive into grief over here, sorting out the many bids for connection I've completely missed in processing nutrition as food composition first, relationship second. Like my teenager always offering me a bite from whatever junk food he has stashed for his own snacking, and my totally inappropriate irritation at his persistence in offering me what he knows I don't eat...and even my lack of understanding around why he might pick certain things to continually have on hand and then not eat at the table even when I've prepared his favorites. It occurs to me that maybe in continually shunning his snacks I've been shoving away relationship, and in shoving away relationship shutting down his capacity for being fed by me. Clearly it has never been the food that has been the problem. Not to mention that he is definitely sensitive to textures and changes of all kinds...
While I don't usually mark my books, Nourished has been COVERED in ink so far, via underlining, starring, and many, many margin notes. What an intense read.
Also, I really loved the quote Deborah included from Keridwen Cornelius: "Eating with your hands is a sensuous indulgence....impaling raspberries on your fingertips and kissing them off one by one until your mouth is juicy and full. It's squashing grapes underfoot... The mutual giving and receiving between fingers and tongue. Primal and earth and natural."
I wonder how many of us remember being invited to share food with a loved one as playful sensual delight in the present moment versus being told we "should" eat something because we need to grow strong or be healthy. I also wonder how many of us were subtly influenced as children to view pleasure in eating as gluttony or unhealthy (i.e. too many sweets, too many helpings of a favorite dish of food, carrying too much weight to be able to eat a high-calorie food). And of course this runs parallel to the encoding away from pleasure that accompanies any other aspect of living within and through a body, especially for people whose faith involves some element of required martyrdom in daily life.