Hello, hello! I’m trying out a different approach for this section: instead of sharing detailed notes or thoughts on these chapters, I’m sharing a more general reflection. If you’re reading along, I’m so glad! Please comment below or reply to this email and let me know! If you’re not and you’re tired of these posts, know I have about 7 non-book club posts in my “drafts” folder! My writing time has felt very limited lately. (Ah the life of a mother/creative).
Re-reading this book has been so worth my time.
I thought it would be; I chose it after all! I know how well-written and packed-with-value it is. But I’ve still been surprised at just how much this little book club has been positively impacting my life.
There’s something so human about doing things together with others. It’s the social animal thing, I suppose—we’re made to be in community. I get all warm and fuzzy when I think about other people snuggled on couches/chairs/beds all over the country (world? I still don’t know who is all reading!) holding this same book in their laps. Taking in these same ideas. I’ve also noticed myself being on Instagram less. One of the biggest reasons I’m drawn to Instagram is because of the sense of community and connection I feel there, and feeling that as I sit down to read this book (instead of opening IG) has been wonderful.
I also just feel so encouraged in my work as a parent these days, and I think this book club has something to do with that. Parenting can just be so freaking… impossible? It’s work that feels invisible and thankless and sometimes really discouraging. And it’s so, so constant. I’ve noticed that I feel more positive toward the work of parenting since beginning this book club. Something about holding 300+ pages of the affirmation of this work as real, sacred, impactful work has helped me be more content in this season that so often, to me, feels “unproductive.” All these little moments of patience and intention in parenting matter. I’ve known that, but I feel like the experience of reading this has helped me to more easily live it.
Finally, I’ve felt affirmed in countercultural parenting values. I think when you’re going against the grain in any kind of way, it can feel really lonely. It can also make you feel a little… insecure? Like, am I crazy for doing this differently? I don’t think I am, but… no one else seems to be doing it this way? We’re wired to be attuned to whether or not we’re safe and accepted by those around us. It’s just evolutionary biology. This book has made me feel more confident than ever in our parenting, not because we’re perfect but because we’re following our instincts to prioritize the development of strong, trusting relationships with our children. This is a perspective that needs amplifying in both secular and Christian culture.
So anyway, thanks for doing this with me—it’s been adding value to my life and I hope it has to yours as well. A few thoughts on this section that stand out: I absolutely love the concept of “counterwill” and have found it so helpful in understanding the behavior of our second-born especially, and Chapter 7, The Flatlining of Culture, feels to me extremely important commentary on the state of our society.
Well, I think that’s all for now. It seems winter has finally arrived here—it’s snowing out my window. I was grateful this week that my Patagonia coat arrived from being repaired (they’d said it may take longer). Whew! Now that the temps have dropped, it’s the perfect time to settle in to the longest reading stretch of the book, Part 3, Chapter 8-13. Meanwhile, leave your wonderings or connections or questions regarding Chapters 4-7 below!
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I'm still working through this section but had a striking thought that I had to come share. I'm finding this so interesting because I'm currently in a power struggle with my 6 yr old where I feel that my authority has no impact on him. However, he's also school age now and his sister (age 4) is old enough where they can play certain games together. In fact, they've been playing really well. I'm wondering if the number of siblings or proximity in age has any direct correlation to peer orientation (and maybe he gets to this eventually). I am currently spending more time with the baby and 2 yr old so it makes total sense at this stage of life that the 4 & 6 yr old would orient to each other because I'm lacking time/connection with them.
Love your reflections here.
I do feel the same that it’s encouraging to know I’m not alone in making intentional decisions with my littles that are very different from how I was raised or how society views parenting should be, esp coming from Christian culture that highly believes spanking is what the Bible teaches (basically they have God on their side of how they parent)
Working on intentional connection with my littles. It can be so easy to just be around my kids, but not really connecting with them.
Everyday is slow progress ♥️