A month or so ago, I made a publishing schedule for myself. And I did so well! For a few weeks.
(Insert Jim Halpert face here.)
I’ve recently found myself feeling discouraged once again at my creative routine and output. For the millionth time. You think you find something that works, something sustainable, and then boom, you’re back to that frustrated place again.
If you know you know.
I find it ironic that these feelings would appear almost immediately after I published a post on how I navigate being an ambitious/creative mother. It’s probably God reminding me to be humble. (I see you, God. I get it. Thanks.)
So in case you thought I had it all together as a mother/creative, you can rest assured that I most definitely do not. Have I learned some big things over the last 8 years? Made some amazing progress? Yes and yes! This is something to celebrate (and, I think, something to share—we need more models of mothers tending to their own selves and souls alongside motherhood!). But am I now in a place of creative and motherhood bliss? Noooo, I am not.
Not unrelated to being a creative mother, I’ve also had some big anxiety come up around homeschooling in the last week or so. I shared a few posts back about my deep desire to do it, and while that hasn’t changed, I’m feeling some familiar deep fear rise up, too. This fear is mixed with a new grief about quitting my (part-time) job teaching elementary ELL, exacerbated by a recent article in our local paper about one of my wonderful students. I just love my kids (students) so much, as I always have as a teacher, and furthermore people seem surprised that I’m quitting a job I like so much to homeschool my kids, which they have expressed to me.
All this has triggered some nasty self-doubt, and as any creative knows, self-doubt is a constant companion.
Good times.
So while I wish I had a new post or essay to share with you today, I don’t. I just have these words that I guess will help you know that I’m no superhuman, supermother, or superwriter. No one is. I always think of the Alanis line: “No one’s really got it figured out just yet.”
Thanks for being here. A few posts you can expect to see in the near future:
The final post for our book club, including the announcement for our next book (I was going to let people vote but I changed my mind lol)
A link to a piece I’m writing for Business Insider and post sharing more about it (it’s about building a free play vibe in your neighborhood)
A piece on mom guilt and why the message we’re told (let the guilt go!) is not only unhelpful but totally dismepowering
A piece on domestic labor (why I love and also don’t love Fair Play and the feminist conversation around housework; possibly will touch on the homeschool fears here)
How are you? Are you good? I hope so.
Off to mail a copy of Big Magic. (I did a lil Instagram giveaway! This is one of the very best, maybe THE best, books I’ve read on living as a creative. If you’re curious what other books have supported me in boldly pursuing my passion for writing, I have a great little list at the end of this post for full (paid) subscribers!)
After that, it’s the chiropractor for my constipated two-year-old, a quick call with a friend that hopefully my kids will be chill for, and then the first soccer games of the season.
Deep breaths.
Can’t wait to read that post on domestic labor! Really enjoyed the post on ambition and will be coming back to it.
I am having some strong creative feelings most closely resembling, “Burn it all down!” 😂
I think that this part of the school year is a bad time to evaluate things. Everyone is a little crispy, the sun is out, the kids are insane, and it’s just a lot.
Also, I am having a similar process regarding coming to terms with the fact that the max I can handle in publishing is 1 post a week, which means with two publications I have to alternate them. Not what I wanted to do, but reality doesn’t actually care about what I want. Like, it doesn’t matter how idealistic you are if you just can’t make it happen. So better to adjust to the slower pace, swallow the pride and keep going, right? You’re definitely not alone.
(Also, re. homeschooling, “Teaching from Rest” and all things Sarah Mackenzie are such a godsend)