This is post one for our summer book club on Nourished: Connection, Food, and Caring for Our Kids (and everyone else we love). You can find more info about all this right here, and don’t be afraid to jump in anytime!
Well, before I even got to the first chapter there were several bouts of tears. So… that’s something. The book’s thesis and content is deeply meaningful to me and (is touching on some sore spots, too). I’m here for the challenge.
Like the poetry excerpt at the beginning of the intro:
I stopped designing, and arguing, and
sculpting a happy life.
I didn’t die. I didn’t turn to dust.
Instead, I chopped vegetables,
and made a calm lake in me
where the water was clear and sourced and still.
And when the ones I loved came to it,
I had something to give them…
I looked up the full poem. It’s beautiful. You can find it here. (I’ve read Tara’s book Playing Big and now I want to revisit it!)
Fodder for discussion
Ok, let’s go—what are your thoughts so far?
Here are some questions to help support discussion on these first few sections. Use them totally or not at all—they’re just there to spark your thinking! The first three are from the discussion guide in the back and the others are (obviously) my own :)
What if we saw nourishment as being about more than just food?
If the family meal is the answer, then what was the question?
How would seeing food as a gift change what we offer, and how would this offering change us?
It says on page 14 “Like most things, what is good for our children is also good for us.” I love this line; it feels so subversive. In what ways does our culture tell us that what’s good for us is bad for our children, and vice versa?
I loved the idea that—in relationships as in feeding—there must first be invitation. She writes: “The word invitation comes from the Latin word invitare, which means to be pleasant towards, to attract, and to treat well. It is the sense one gets that one is wanted and desired. Invitation is how we convey to someone that their existence matters.” Whether we’re talking about food or just care in general, do you feel you invite your children? What does that look like, and/or what gets in the way of this foundational step?
At the end of Chapter 1, she writes: “It is our caretaker’s responsibility to become conscious of our beginnings and to pull us deeper into life with their invitation to be close. We need to be emotionally tethered. The greatest gift they have to offer us is the invitation to rest in their care and to be the answer to our deepest hungers.” What if, for whatever reason, this didn’t happen for us? How can we as parents pass on what we may not have received ourselves?
What connections or questions did you have as you read these first three sections?
I’m not sure how many of you committed to this one, but if you’re reading (or listening) please do us the honor of sharing your unfiltered and imperfect thoughts!
Reminder of timeline: Moving forward, read a chapter a week. We’ll take two weeks at the end of June to catch up (it’s my birthday and my oldest’s, always a super busy time), and then finish out the book again with a chapter a week until we meet with Deborah on Zoom in August to ask her our questions!
Nourished is an invitation to join a different conversation about eating and nurturing our kids. It will challenge what is considered normal practice today but is not natural when it comes to feeding. Like most things, what is good for children is also good for us. Nourished will deconstruct the behavioral approach that has influenced eating for generations and displaced the importance of caring relationships. It provides insight into our development as eaters and how eating is imbued with emotion. It sheds light on how we are in trouble with food and how we need to refocus on human connection and emotion. There is an underlying belief throughout Nourishes that adults in a child’s life are best positioned to be the answer to caretaking but may need support to get there. It is the book I would have given myself 14 years ago—it would have made life a lot easier and would have helped me regain my confidence and focus on relationship in feeding my kids.
—Deborah MacNamara in the Intro
#5 - what mostly gets in the way for me is valuing productivity. When I have "getting things done" on my mind, the kids are "in the way," and I don't invite them to exist in my presence. It's a constant reminder to slow my roll and to kindly communicate to them what it is I need to do and let them know that they can either help me with it, or play on their own and we'll touch base when I'm done.
#1 - seeing the deeper meaning behind food has already shifted things for me! Just today, I noticed that my attitude around having to pause yardwork to make lunch for everyone (my dad and husband, working in the yard and my kids, running around w neighbor kids) was different. I felt more joy and honestly satisfaction in it, whereas before I would have been annoyed and/or resentful.
I'm seeing it less as feeding them physically and more as... way of loving them. It also has helped me let go of the stupid-high standards I've historically had around if what I'm giving them is HeALthY (and being upset with myself if it's not). Today, it was chicken pieces and watermelon, and walking tacos for the rest of us. Nothing fancy or particularly good for us, but served in a spirit of joy and honestly, satisfaction. And that that means something, something real, makes a big difference for me. I'm so grateful for this book already!