Happy New Year! Don’t forget that we’re picking up our book club again this month! If you’ve been reading Hold On to Your Kids with us, or you wanna just jump in, remember to pick it up! We’re on Part 4. It’s such a nuanced, thoughtful book that will most certainly encourage your efforts in mindful, connected parenting!
I don’t know about you, but I’ve almost always feel overwhelmed during the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve.
I’m an ambitious person. I want to GET THINGS DONE. So this is what the week has traditionally felt like: THESE ARE THE SIX DAYS I HAVE TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER AND HAVE THE BEST NEXT YEAR EVER.
So much pressure.
(Instantly overwhelmed.)
Long-time readers know my brain tends toward patterns of perfectionism: all-or-nothing thinking, stupid-high standards for myself and others, feeling really bad about “mistakes” or “failures,” focusing intently on what isn’t good enough, et cetera. Through an ongoing commitment to personal growth and a practice of mindfulness, I’ve healed a lot of these tendencies and learned new ways to be.
It’s been a small-but-very-impactful shift in my life. I no longer put relentless pressure on myself and instead honor and celebrate my efforts and my growth.
So now at this time of year, I no longer feel panicky and overwhelmed. I now intentionally take another approach:
I spend just as much time reflecting on the year gone by and celebrating it as I do thinking about the coming one.
(I made this New Year’s shift about five years ago, which you can read about in this post on my former blog.)
Maybe this doesn’t resonate for you. Maybe you’re great at honoring and celebrating yourself, at noticing what’s gone well and what you’re proud of. Me, for years my thoughts went straight to... the opposite. The things I still want to do, not the things I’ve done. The ways I want to still grow, not the ways I’ve already grown. And on and on.
(They still do, sometimes. The neural pathways are well-worn.)
One more thing before I share (some of) my reflections of the year gone by and aspirations for 2024: if you’re in a season of caretaking little ones, you especially need to celebrate your hard work and wins, in parenting and motherhood (and otherwise!). So much of your efforts go unacknowledged by culture, and therefore unacknowledged by others and even ourselves sometimes. You are doing a lot—I encourage you to take time to give yourself the credit and celebration you deserve!
With that, in no particular order whatsoever, here are some efforts I’m celebrating from the past year and some things I’m hoping to do in 2024.
Things I’m proud of from 2023
We grieved the loss of my father-in-law and adjusted to life without him. (He passed away in January of 2023.)
I went on my first ever silent retreat. (Need to write about this—life-changing.)
I softened toward our more-challenging-to-parent middle child and humbly owned how circumstances both in and out of my control have contributed to her behavior. We made major gains with her relationally which have turned into major gains otherwise. (Need to write about this, too.)
I stopped trying to force the writing of a book. (Read a bit about that in this post, if you missed it.)
I started sharing more regularly on Instagram (and grew a community of over 1,000—a humble milestone but a milestone nonetheless).
I became Catholic, not because I feel like I’ve finally found the RiGhT stream of faith, but because I (finally) found one that resonates deeply for me. (I haven’t talked much about this journey publicly, but I recently guested on a podcast where I went into it a bit—will let you know as soon as it’s released!)
I started this Substack publication! (Read the inaugural post.)
I continued to release my desire to homeschool and trust that we can take that decision year-by-year. (Need to also write about this—it’s a whole thing.)
I worked on my marriage. WE worked on our marriage. This work is no small feat and it’s also something that is, like, never ever celebrated.
I got a new phone, finally. I had an iPhone 6s for yeeeeears and upgraded to the 14pro. In the very same AT&T trip, my husband downgraded (upgraded?) to a flip phone. We both finally got the phones we’ve wanted for a while!
I considered and accepted a part-time teaching job, even though I had other big plans for my fall. I adjusted to this new rhythm of part-time homemaker/mother and part-time elementary school ESL teacher.
I went deeper into personal growth and healing. (It turns out this never ends. Wow. Always another layer or area to explore.)
I let go of certain mindsets and habits around STUFF. For example, I tempered my long-time pastime of thrifting and garage sale-ing, going less often and when I go, being more discerning about what I buy. I’ve learned that the temporary dopamine hit does not make up for the stress that more stuff in my house brings. (I’ve been philosophically on board with minimalism for about a decade, but as kids brought more things in I didn’t keep up with removing things!)
I started reading longer series books to the big girls. We did four books in The Chronicles of Narnia and are now on book 3 of Harry Potter. As a former English teacher, this has been so much fun for me!
I turned 40 alongside my husband. (Read 39 things I know at 39.) I didn’t throw a birthday party for my seven-year-old and instead threw a birthday party for myself. I embraced a new decade with gratitude and open arms.
Some things I’m aspiring to in 2024
Getting on Goodreads. People have asked me for years and a good friend has really sold it hard to me. FINE. But if I don’t like it, I’m leaving! I’m quite picky about the digital realms I participate in.
Building a good single-remedy homeopathy kit. (I love herbs and homeopathy to support the body in healing. “Homeopathic,” by the way, doesn’t just mean “natural”—it’s actually a specific type of alternative medicine!)
Finishing some e-books and guides I’ve been working on for… years (cringe) and offering them to my community.
Getting bangs cut again—and keeping them. Whenever I look at pictures of myself with bangs, I think, that really looks like me. But bangs take work and maintenance, they don’t ever seem to last long in my world!
Building a Little Free Library for our front yard. I’ve wanted one for years and this year I’m gonna make it happen because a certain man I live with doesn’t seem to want to get it done. :) I’m going to use the services of a local Main Street business where you can do projects with all kinds of tools they have! I… am nervous. I am not handy. But it will be great to learn! Everyone was a beginner once! Done is better than perfect! (Recovering perfectionist mantras.)
Being a present aunt to coming littles in my family. (Both of my brothers live in the same town as us and are both expecting babies this year! It’s so exciting. The village life is about to go next-level!)
Sourcing and integrating raw milk into our family’s diet.
Starting up again and continuing with regular baking of sourdough bread. So crunchy-mom cliche, haha, but honestly, I love the way it makes me feel when I’m in the routine, and I want to up my game, too!
Generally doing better with regularly cooking nourishing food for my family—and then ACTUALLY EATING TOGETHER. We don’t do this well and never really have; honestly, it’s probably our weakest area as parents. We both agree we want to really work on this.
Doing some somatic therapy. I’ve known for a while that it’s time to take my personal healing and growth from my head (talking about things) to my body (letting sensations in the body lead and respond), but I haven’t taken the time to find or commit to anything. A friend told me about Brainspotting, and a little while later, a lovely local-ish women’s healing space began offering it as part of their services. Serendipity, don’t you think?
Having regular connection with people I love. A friend and I just set up a standing monthly 1.5-hour phone call. It’s in Google calendar and everything. I’d like to do more of this in the future, because connecting one-on-one with the people we love is something that matters more than almost anything else.
Continuing to reign in the chaos of our home. When you have several small children, things often just get kind of wild for a while as the most pressing/most basic needs command your time and attention. We’ve been enjoying tackling small projects and problem-solving/decluttering areas of our home, and we plan to continue the momentum this year!
How about you? Do we have any celebrations or aspirations in common? I’d love to hear!
I super encourage you to reflect on your growth and wins this past year as part of your thinking-about-next-year process. You can be good to yourself and high-achieving at the same time; in fact, being kind to yourself will actually help you win and achieve. Weird, I know, but true. (Not to mention you’ll just generally enjoy life more.)1
Perfectionism is out; radical self-love and acceptance is in! Here’s to a new year!
GIVEAWAY: I upgraded a handful of you to a paid subscription for all of 2024! Merry (late) Christmas to you. Thank you for letting me know you appreciate my work!
I have a short guide to healing perfectionism coming out in 2024, so if this talk about perfectionism resonates or piques your interest, look out for it! It’ll be free for paid subscribers and affordable for everyone else.
Homeopathy!!! It’s my favorite. Let’s talk about it sometime.
Thank you for the upgrade-- what a happy little surprise! And I love your lists. It's inspiring me to make some of my own...